Last updated: March 2017. I think you’ll agree with me when I say:
No matter how shocking and heart breaking it was when your boyfriend broke up with you, you can’t help yourself but longing to keep in touch with him, secretly hoping that one day he’ll change his mind and beg to get you back in his arms.
Does the no contact rule really work? Why and how does it work? And what to do if you break the rule?
The answers are here for you right now.
Ready? Let’s go.
- 1 What Exactly is the 60 Day No Contact Rule?
- 2 How Can The 60-Day NC Get Him Back?
- 3 What if He Contacts You? What If You Bump Into Him?
- 4 What If You Break the Rules?
- 5 What to Text Your Ex After No Contact
- 6 No Contact Rule Success Stories (& My Own)
- 7 Wait! The Critical Factor in the 60 Day No Contact Rule
What Exactly is the 60 Day No Contact Rule?
The no contact rule means you basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time.
Some say 30 days are enough, others say that 60 days is better, I think every relationship is different.
Seems simple, right?
But it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this the right way.
Here’s what it requires from you:
• No calling your ex on the phone
• No texting your ex
• No casual hanging out with your ex
• No emailing your ex
• No leaving notes to your ex
• No bumping into them “accidentally”
• No looking at their online profiles, tweeting, snapchatting, or even going over old texts you saved in your cellphone.
Seems harsh, right? But it’s the only way to do it, even if every fiber of your being resists it.
How Can The 60-Day NC Get Him Back?
Remember, the “rule” does not require for you to be a jerk to your ex, ignore him if you accidentally bump into him or be anything other civil, calm and kind.
Here are the basic psychological reasons behind the no contact rule, and why it can make your ex realize he wants you back:
1. Right now you’re a bit crazy. You’re flooded with anger, confusion, denial and despair.
. Nothing will make him run away even further than a “feelings” conversation, or desperate begging and pleading.
The no contact period will allow you to cool down, process your feelings and think rationally about the real reasons you’re not together anymore.
2. Over there on the “other side”, your ex has a chance to do the same. He can calm down (if he is angry), think rationally and most importantly – realize that he has really lost you and even regret leaving you.
3. This is the time when your ex realizes that he misses you, and maybe can’t and won’t go on with his life without you.
He won’t be able to miss you if you are in constant contact with him! This is hugely critical and the most important “benefit” of the 60 day rule.
4. Your ex will uncontrollably start to wonder why you’re not begging to get back with him. This way you’re turning the table on them and gaining control over the situation.
5. You get a chance to heal yourself, figure out what happened and how you can prevent and fix it when you’re back together.
6. The no contact rule will prevent the annoying on-and-off relationship. I’m sure you don’t want that for yourself, right?
If the cause of your breakup won’t be fixed, you’ll just break up again in a few months – this time, probably for good.
You’ll remember again who you are, what you’re made of and what you really want.
What if He Contacts You? What If You Bump Into Him?
The 60 day no contact rule requires no contact, but what if HE contacts you? What if circumstances lead to you having to see him every day? What if you have a child together?
In certain situations you won’t be able to ignore your ex.
If you have a child together, the “classic” no contact rule is non applicable.
If you see him at work or at school every day, you can’t be impolite and ignore him.
The point is to remain civil, polite and kind.
You can say hello, you can answer if he asks how you are (as long as you don’t talk about “feelings”) and you can smile at him and be nice.
But nothing more than that.
After this temporary interaction go back to the no contact mode immediately.
What If You Break the Rules?
By talking to your ex after a breakup, you are losing control and power over your relationship and damaging your chance of getting back with your ex.
Breaking the rule means you have to start over from day one. Achieve at least 30 days when you don’t rely on your ex for a conversation.
What to Text Your Ex After No Contact
The no contact is obviously only the first step in getting your ex boyfriend back.
After your 60 days are up, it’s time to make the first contact – via text messages.
You have to write text messages that’ll be interesting and evoke his curiosity, to make it impossible for him to not answer you.
Head over to my post about how to use texts to get him back (plus text examples)
No Contact Rule Success Stories (& My Own)
If you search online, you’ll find hundreds of no contact success stories, but I want to share my own with you.
7 years ago, my than boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half.
He did it over text, no less.
Just ended a serious relationship, which involved marriage plans, with a 10-word text. Like it was nothing.
The text said “You were right. I don’t love you anymore. It’s over“.
I was shocked beyond belief, and shaking with anger.
The day after I came by to pick up my things. He has already packed them for me.I didn’t say one word to him and just left.
I was so angry it was easy for me to cut contact with him. But after a couple of weeks I calmed down, and started to think rationally about what happened.
I realized I was practically convincing him that he doesn’t love me. I found stupid “proof” that he doesn’t love me every single day.
But now I know it was just my huge insecurity and low self-esteem that made me do this. It has nothing to do with him.
At some point, he couldn’t take it anymore so he “gave up” and broke up with him, saying “You were right”.
What Happened After 60 Days?
Almost 60 days later, I met him at a wedding of a mutual friend. Until than, we both haven’t spoken one word to each other, didn’t text, Facebook or anything.
We sat next to each other when our friends exchanged their vowels.
Out of nowhere, I felt his hand taking mine. I took his hand and squeezed it hard.
You can imagine the rest, but I will tell you that this ex boyfriend is now my husband for 6.5 years, and we have 2 of the cutest boys ever created…:)
Wait! The Critical Factor in the 60 Day No Contact Rule
You didn’t think you’re going to slouch on your sofa and listen to sad songs the entire 60 days, right?
If you are determined to get your ex back, you have to understand a few important things:
1. You have to remain active, socially engaged and busy as much as you can.
Keep your friends close and confide in them (though I wouldn’t ask for their advice). If they invite you to go out with them – Go!
If you get a chance to go on a date with a nice guy – go. There’s no harm in it and it can even help you get your ex back further along.
2. You have to calm down and figure out what really went wrong so you could prevent it from happening again (with anyone for that matter).
3. You are going to spend this time becoming the best version of yourself mentally and physically, I don’t care how many books you’ll have to read.
4. Realize that no matter how effective the no contact rule, it won’t be enough to get your ex back for good (I won’t lie to you).
I would suggest learning a step by step plan to make your ex beg and plead to get back with you when the no contact period ends.
Time with no contact will give you the clarity you need to remember who you are, what you’re made of and to find your emotional center.
It gives you the chance to figure out what really went wrong (without pointless anger and accusations) and it will allow your ex to MISS you like he never did before.
The no contact rule is actually a way to protect you from further pain, sorrow and disappointment and for me it has worked.
60 days after our breakup we were back together and planning our wedding in a few months.
I suggest you make some time to read this helpful guide to learn exactly what you need to do to make your ex longing to get back with you when the no contact ends.
Rooting for ya,
The more you find yourself resisting the 60-day idea and finding reasons why you shouldn’t do it, the more you probably really need to do it.
Share your experience with me in the comments below, I’m here to answer any question!:)
PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.