Look, I get it:
Your boyfriend’s best friend is a female.
She has boobs. A soft voice. He likes talking to her and spends time with her.
Odds are she was in his life before you came. And she knows all about him just like you do (maybe even more).
How do you know she’s not out to get your boyfriend?
What can you do – without damaging your relationship?
Here’s the good news:
In this post, you’ll find my 5 best tips for dealing with your boyfriend having a female BFF – without anger, jealousy and ultimatums.
But I have to warn you:
My tips are a bit controversial.
I won’t advise you to “put boundaries”. I won’t advise you to tell him how you feel about their relationship.
I won’t advise you to do anything that’ll make him feel imprisoned and controlled – because I don’t want him to run away from you gasping for air.
I want you two to live happily ever after – together.
What to Do When Your Boyfriend’s Best Friend is a Female: 5 Unconventional Tips
First, here’s the most important thing I want to convey to you:
The #1 reason for men (or women!) to pull away from a relationship, is feeling a lack of freedom.
Any man that feels like his partner is trying to change him, to change the circumstances of his life, to change the way he does anything – can’t help but feeling controlled and chained.
And that’s an awful feeling.
It’s the exact opposite of unconditional love.
It makes him feel untrusted.
He won’t be able to handle it for long, trust me.
Here’s exactly what to do to prevent that:
1. Do Not Show Him Your Jealousy
I know it’s the hardest thing ever, but you have to do it, even if you are jealous out of your mind.
Because showing him you are jealous about any other relationship he has, proves to him that you don’t trust him.
More importantly, it shows him that you don’t believe YOU are the one he chose.
And most importantly, it shows him you don’t think much of yourself. That you are insecure. That you don’t believe in yourself.
And that’s the ultimate attraction destroyer.
If YOU don’t know your self-worth, how is HE supposed to know?
Throwing jealousy fits is literally pushing him away from you, probably to the arms of any other girl.
He’ll do anything to be able to breathe again.
2. Don’t Make Assumptions
Don’t make assumptions about his relationship with her, and about her plans for him.
Remember the law of attraction?
What you focus on – grows bigger.
You literally attract the things you resist and are afraid of – into your life.
Even if they text all day, and even if he hangs out with her a lot – do not assume that he is attracted to her.
Do not assume that he complains about you when you have a fight.
Do not assume she wants to sabotage your relationship.
Assume this instead:
1. I’m probably going to like all the things he likes about her too. She is probably a nice person – maybe we can be friends too?
2. It’s so good he can have a female perspective when we have a problem, or when he misunderstands me.
3. He chose me. He is in love with ME. I believe it with all my heart.
4. He is worthy of my trust. He has been there for me when I needed him. He has helped me in so many ways.
5. I love him just the way he is. I don’t need to change anything about him.
Doesn’t that feel better?
Assume THAT, instead of what you’ve assumed before.
3. Regain Your Confidence
Once you’re able to calm yourself down a bit, it’s time for some positive affirmations.
Because if you fear “the competition” (which she isn’t, by the way) – it means that you forgot your self-worth. You forgot who you really are, and you forgot why he fell in love with YOU.
Once you regain your confidence, it’ll change your entire behavior and it will change what you “transmit” to your boyfriend.
You don’t want to send him a message saying:
I’m not worthy of you. I have to fight for my place. You like her better than me. I need you to prove your love to me constantly
You want to send him a message:
I know my worth. I love my self. I’m confident. I know there’s no one else like me. I trust you and believe that you love me with all your heart
Believing in these last statements will remind him, daily, that his girlfriend is a confident, trusting woman that loves him and trusts him and everything he does.
There’s nothing more attractive than that.
4. Don’t Ignore Her or Be Mean To Her
Your first instinct, the defensive instinct, maybe to avoid her and ignore her entire existence.
You may want to be mean to her to “show her who she’s dealing with”.
That’s a huge mistake.
It will make her defensive as well and may make her say some negative stuff about you. When pushed to a corner, she will fight back.
You don’t want to start a war.
Instead, try to get to know her. Hang out with the two of them and show an interest in their friendship.
Again, this will help you remember your worth, and both your boyfriend and she will know they have nothing to hide in front of you.
Don’t try to make your boyfriend stop liking her.
The more you try, the more he will like her. No one likes to be told how to feel.
5. Boyfriend Female Friend Boundaries
This tip goes against any other advice you’ll read anywhere else:
DON’T set boundaries.
Boundaries are useless.
They are fake.
If your boyfriend wants to spend most of his time with his BFF instead of you – boundaries won’t help.
People put boundaries so they can safely ignore what’s really going on.
Let’s say he agrees to not see her more than he sees you.
Does it mean that he doesn’t WANT to see her as much as he did before?
It means that he is doing it for YOU.
But deep inside he still wants to see her just as much as before. Only now he resents you for not doing what he wants.
So, what can you do if they like to do sleepovers and text all day?
Boundaries, in this case, are ridiculous.
You have to open your eyes and see what’s really going on.
This may be a sign that he is on his way out, or cheating, or losing interest in your relationship.
Wouldn’t you rather face the truth than pushing it under the carpet with boundaries?
Before I sum up my points in this post, I really want to know how you feel:
What’s the most troubling aspect of their relationship – in your opinion?
Just pick one of the answers below:
To sum it up:
I know my tips for how to deal with your boyfriend’s female best friend may seem controversial.
Like always, I can’t help but telling it the way it is. The way I see it.
In my experience, the best to deal with this situation are:
- Don’t show your jealousy and discomfort. Deal with it by yourself.
- Don’t set boundaries.
- Regain your confidence.
- Assume positively.
- Get to know her.
- Support their friendship.
Should You Be Worried About Your Boyfriend’s Female Friend?
If your gut tells you there’s something not right going on here, or if you notice him hiding his relationship with her, or flirting with her publicly – listen to your inner voice.
If you see signs that your boyfriend prefers her company to yours, or that they are too close – don’t ignore it.
Make the right decision for YOU, from a calm and relaxed place – not when you are angry and crazy jealous.
I hope you found this post helpful and as always, I’m looking forward to your comments, your stories, and your questions. I answer everyone.
Rooting for ya,