Do you toss and turn every night wondering about the real reason your boyfriend broke up with you?
Do you feel – deep down – that the reason he gave you was a lie? A bad excuse?
Your brain literally hurts from dissecting and analyzing everything that happened before you broke up. Every word he said, every little fight.
Worst of all, you can’t stop thinking that it was all your fault.
You weren’t good enough for him. Not interesting enough. Not attractive enough. Too jealous. Too clingy. Too everything. Or not enough.
(But you want him to regret leaving you, right?)
Overview
Can I Guess What He Told You?
Let me see if I can guess what your boyfriend told you when he broke up with you, click one answer in the poll below:
It’s not because he is a bad person. He probably did it to protect your feelings or his conscience.
But:
Here’s the real reason behind the breakup:
Why He Broke up With You: The Real Reason
The real reason behind (almost) any breakup is a loss of attraction.
Wait! I’m not talking about physical attraction.
And I’m not saying it’s your fault. NO.
Unknowingly, something has happened that had made you seem less attractive (again, not sexually).
And here are some of the possible things that happened:
1. You Suffer From Low Self Esteem
I say it over and over for years: If you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else really love you?
The way other people see you depends only on how you see yourself.
Look in the mirror and pay attention to your thoughts.
Do you see all the flaws in your face and your body?
Make a list of the things you like about yourself and the things you don’t. Which list is longer?
If you’re always down on yourself (whether you say it or not!), your boyfriend will eventually think like you.
I know some people do it to get attention, but the bottom line is that being down on yourself is unattractive.
If you feel that this is out of your control – seek help. There are dozens of amazing books that can change your life. My favorite one is “How to Love Yourself” by Louise Hay.
2. You Were Controlling
When you’re in love, you want to be with the one you love all the time.
You want to know what he thinks about everything, and you secretly wish that he had the same likes, dislikes, and opinions as you do.
But every person needs a little space to breathe. To remember who he is as an individual. To have his own opinions without being scrutinized about every decision he makes.
If you didn’t give your boyfriend space to do as he pleases, he has taken his freedom back by breaking up with you.
This included being a class-5 “clinger”.
If you are “overly attached” you should know that it comes from your insecurities, and it is a total attraction destroyer.
You have to learn how to be independent. Have a life that doesn’t involve him or is dependent on him.
Independence is a sign of self-esteem and confidence.
3. You Were Jealous
Being jealous is a well-known attraction killer.
Some jealousy is fine, but if you always fear that someone else will come and take him away from you, and you feel threatened in your relationship – he’ll have no choice but to run away.
Over jealousy comes, again, from your insecurity. You don’t believe that you’re good enough for him to be only interested in you.
If you did, you wouldn’t be intimidated by any other person.
Bottom Line: Can You Get Him Back?
No matter if you are “guilty” of any of the above attraction-killers, I can almost guarantee one critical thing:
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Attraction and love are two separate things.
Loss of attraction doesn’t mean a loss of love. It just masks the love in a way that he can’t see it’s there.
And if your boyfriend still loves you, you can probably get him back.
I’ve learned this critical fact from my friend Brad Browning, a relationship coach and author of the best-selling Ex Factor Guide program:
If you do a couple of things right, the clouds that hide your ex-boyfriend’s love for you will disappear, and he’ll find himself begging to have you back in his arms.
Watch this video with Brad showing you how to make your ex chase you (instead of the other way around)
Brad Browning’s “Ex Back Factor” is the best guide I’ve ever seen about how to get your ex back in your arms – faster than you can imagine.
In this video, he’ll show you how to know if it’s too late to get him back, how to avoid 5 brutal mistakes that’ll kill your chances and 3 clever psychological loopholes that” make him crawl back in your arms.
Come back and tell me what you think about it, o.k?
As always, rooting for ya,
Lisa
Ellie says
Does anyone know how to handle it when he’s got depression, my guy is a lovely man usually, but in the past fortnight has changed, everything is an effort for him. Now he wants some time alone, he doesn’t go out, won’t see me, I told him i’d give him time and that’s fine, but how can I change things. I love him, I can’t walk away..
april says
we have the same problem,my boyfriend and I just broke up this week. he is the sweetest guy and suddenly one day he wanted time out. i asked for a reason and he said he feels stressed and pressured since its his last term in college. he says im a distraction and he cant focus if we were together. this got me confused and i cried a lot, i even accused him if he got someone pregnant. anyway i suspect he has another girl. so he got even madder at me and made things worse. it affected me so much like im so emotionally stressed at work i seem to space out all the time. what i dont understand is why is it so sudden that he want me out of his life? this has left me confused and insecure like i didnt know what i did wrong. anyway i begged him to stay (i know its wrong to beg but i did anyway without realizing i fucking look pathetic), but he wont budge. i know he is competitive at school so i convince myself that maybe he just really need sometime. but theres half of my brain saying that he wont come back coz he has another girl.. im here looking for answers and advise too.
sweetybaby says
I fall in love with my best friend for 4 years. And one day I asked it out. But he said “no” and he don’t feel the same way. But he cares me a lot. He always says he have big respect on me. We can be without each may be because of our friendship. He is out of country for the job. And now before 14 days we had a mobile conversation and I was flirting with him and at that time he Said the same thing he doesn’t feel the same way. I got hurt and i said “better Il be away from u, i won’t be in ur life anymore” he simply said “ok, if you feel its the best decision your taking abt ur future then I’m ok” and i blocked him on every social media. And now we do not have a way to contact and i went no contact. I’m sure that he will definitely miss me. Will this no contact period will help me to get him to my life?
Please i need a reply very soon
Lisa Redfield says
I think that no contact can work, definitely. Now try to keep it for at least a couple of months.
Good luck!
Sarah Lund says
It’s divorced men that I try to stay away from. They are so bitter, that they might aswell not say ANYTHING. I’m not so stupid, as to fall for the charm. Charmers are trouble. I learned from experience. Divorced men find it hard to truly trust another woman. I got fed up of his whining. Twenty years and he still isn’t over it. I had a horrible gut feeling, that him caring about me was fake. I proved myself right. I should have known I was just another way for him to pass the time of day. A distraction but nothing more. He’ll be lucky if he thinks I’m easy to win over. I wouldn’t even mind, if I was with him, just for the sex, because that alone is so much fun, yet I don’t understand what he ever wanted from me. He kept telling me he’d never cheat on Me, yet would say opposite things, later on in the day. I got to the point where I knew he was just doing this to spite me. He needed someone to take his divorce out on, and I was that person he chose to use. No amount of providing for his two kids, will be enough to say sorry to me. Putting his arm around me, all of the time, while pretending he’d take me different places [Yeah, the ones in his head], that just seems like a fail, on his part. A big sorry fail. And I’m more sorry, that he was never man enough to apologise to me, because that takes a real man, and a real man allows himself to cry in front of others, so make no mistake, I figured him out alright. I may never get to see what goes on in that mind of his. It would just be a bit easier if I knew why he treat me in such a careless way. And as for those friends who went along with it, knowing his plan, they’re just as bad. I don’t like poisonous people. I deserve better.