Why is he not begging to get back with me by now?
After everything you went through together. After being so close. After sharing your deepest fears with him.
He’s just gone. And as for now, he is not looking back.
I know that feeling of rejection and anger.
But there are certain effective things you can do – to make him regret leaving you, miss you, and want you back.
Overview
The Real Reason He Left You
No, he didn’t leave you because you left dirty laundry around. He didn’t leave you because “It’s not you, it’s me” and most likely, he didn’t leave you because he stopped loving you.
No matter what excuse he gave you, trust me – it’s probably a big fat lie.
The real reason your boyfriend has broken up with you is that the foundation of his attraction for you has faded.
Let me explain:
Attraction (and I don’t mean physical attraction) has nothing to do with love.
It has to do with certain psychological triggers in your ex’s mind.
How to Make Him Regret Leaving You
There are ways you can “re-attract” your boyfriend (and I’ll get to that at below), but you have to first understand WHY he left you.
Only then will you know how you can get to crawl back on his knees, begging you to come back forever.
You can learn a few psychological “tricks” you can use that will get your ex-boyfriend to miss you desperately, and want to fix things right now.
Step #1 – Make Him See What He Lost
I know how hard it is when you can’t get your ex-boyfriend to answer your calls or reply to your text messages.
…and I know how hard it is to “keep it together” when you run into him accidentally.
The reason he ignores your texts and hardly noticed you anymore is that you are probably going about it all wrong.
When we get dumped, most of us make the world’s biggest mistakes. We start begging and pleading. We ask for forgiveness (even if we didn’t do anything wrong), we beg for a second chance.
Huge mistakes.
This is only pushing him further away from you, and into the arms of another girl.
From this moment on, you stop texting and calling him (until you learn how to do it right – I’ll get to that in a second).
And from this moment on, when you run into your ex, you will only politely say hello, smile, and go about your business.
Step #2 – Send Texts He Won’t Ignore
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you broke up or how many times he’s told you it’s over.
You CAN get him back.
One of the easiest ways you can win your ex-boyfriend back is by simply using your cell phone and tapping a bunch of buttons.
I’m about to give you some tips on how you can force your boyfriend to come running back to you (and no, he’ll definitely have absolutely no choice in the matter).
Text #1
To get started, send this text to your ex (but only after at least 1 week of no contact):
Hey _____, I just want to let you know that I’m 100% cool with the breakup and I thought that it was a good idea. Hope we can still be friends. Talk soon.”
Don’t run and send it now, because to timing is as important as the message. In the end, I’ll tell you when to send it.
This first text is powerful because it conveys all the right messages. You need to make him believe that you are completely o.k. with the breakup.
You need to make him believe that you don’t need him (it will drive him insane).
And by posing as “just a friend” you plant a future seed.
Text #2
This one is powerful because he will suddenly realize that he is losing you, for good.
You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.”
This text communicates to him that you don’t need him in your life and that you are moving on.
Text #3
This one should be sent after a little while, and it will make him jealous, whether he wants to or not.
I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!
By saying this, you’re telling him that you’re actually dating other people right now. You’re sub-communicating to him that you are wanted by other men.
Men are attracted to women who are wanted by other men and you’re pretty much saying “it’s your loss!”
👉 How and When to Send These Texts – to Make him Miss You
Remember, you can’t just randomly text him and expect results. You need to have a “plan of attack”.
Doing it the wrong way may sabotage your chance of ever getting your ex back.
A few days after one of my readers implemented Brad’s plan, she sent me this email:
My ex boyfriend began calling me, non-stop. It was to the point where he actually just dropped everything, drove to my house, and demanded to talk to me.
I was thrilled for her.
Step #3 – Let Him Go (to Get Him Back)
No matter how weird this seems to you – this step is the most important one.
See, guys (and all of us really) – can “smell” neediness.
Even if you completely ignore him intentionally and shout off the rooftops that you are over him and don’t want him – he’ll “smell” that you are desperate to get him back.
When he subconsciously feels that you need him to be happy – he’ll run away as fast and as far as he can.
And so would you – if you were in his shoes.
📢 No one wants to be responsible for someone else’s happiness. It’s a too-heavy weight on his shoulders.
This is why you have to get your sh*t together.
You have to decide that you are now finding your happiness – without him around.
It’s time to regain your self-esteem and self-worth and remember who and what you are – no matter who is walking with you in the path of life.
It’s just how it works – I’ve seen it dozens of times.
👉 Read: How to use the 60 day no contact – to get him back!
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
Just another story says
So I don’t know if anyone is still on here. I had a FWB type situation with a man in an unhappy marriage. Everything was going great. We were best friends and great lovers. Then I got feelings for him and by the way he acted and the things he said I thought he had feelings too. So I told him I loved him. We were good for about another two weeks until I tried to really convince him to leave his miserable marriage. Now we are talking and trying to be friends but the sex has stopped and everything is just kind of awkward. We’ve apologized to each other and had some deep conversations but things still seem weird. Is there a way for us to get back to how we were? Does he need more space? What should I do?
K. S. says
You said you were FWB, you changed things the minute you told him you loved him. Game over, and all bets off. Also, no judgement at all, but don’t mess with other ppl’s husbands. Just bad karma. There are plenty of other dudes to actually love you and not reduce you to a side piece. As for your question on getting back to where you were? Not gonna happen, the sooner you believe that, the better off you’ll be. Wishing you the best.
Maple says
I have been together with my ex-boyfriend for exactly one year. It started off very sweet, he was caring and loving. He introduced me to all of his family members and relatives, I always slept over at his place. He even asked me to get a matching tattoo with him because he wanted me to marry him. And then he started revealing his true nature, he bit me up and swore at me when he got mad. Most importantly, he got mad because of things that happened many years ago, he liked to bring up the past when we hadn’t even met each other back then. I initiated the breakup many times, and he promised me that he would change each and every time and I believed him. He stopped using physical violence but he treated me with a shitty attitude every day, talked to me like I was very annoying, and not willing to spend time with me. When I wanted to talk this out with him, he would just tell me he got very stressed up at work. His emotion fluctuated a lot, he wanted to obey him no matter what he did to me. Later on the situation got worse, he swore and got mad at me each and every day. All my friends said I should leave him for good but I loved him too much to endure and be patient with him. Just a few days after our one-year anniversary, he got mad again and blamed me for something that happened way before our relationship even started and started swearing at me, he even told me I was not good enough for him. And then we broke up. Afterward, he told me that he knew that I have a good heart and should move on with someone new. I have been treating him wholeheartedly, and he just walked away like that and not wanted to change anything. I am so upset by this and I seriously don’t think I deserve that.
Lindsey Garcia says
Classic abusive relationship. Starts off sweet, and once a commitment is made they flip. If this relationship is over then congratulations you made it out. Now you can use your energy and time to find someone who appreciates you and won’t abuse you. Also, GET THERAPY! Women like us should never let this happen. We need help identifying this. If you got back together with him you need to get out and read All the books by Patricia Evans and Lundy Bancroft. It will open your eyes and save you. Also never have kids with someone abusive. I did and I’ve been stuck for decades.
lora says
We were so in love this past weeks ,but he travelled and when he came back he changed into another person entirely and started giving me attitude, but I still love him , and av bin reading ur article so I decided to let go to get him back,I just hope I made the right decision
heartbroken says
I was in a really good relationship a few weeks back. He left me because things were getting too “tough” for him and he needed his space. He ended up breaking up with me for the second time, the first time he broke up with me is because he was overwhelmed with school and graduation. After the first time he broke up with me he came back and promised he wouldn’t leave me again, but he did. It really messed with my head. Now i see him everywhere I go; i go to parties and he is there and comes up to talk to me. He asks my friends how i am doing. Recently he was at one of the same events I was at and we bumped into each other and he hugged me and I miss him so much. We also have been texting a lot “as friends” but it’s so painful that I just never replied to the last text. I want him to tell me that he wants me back because I would do nothing in this world than be with him again.
Please help me out on what to do here!!
Kimberley Morrison says
Hi me and my boyfriend are on a break just now till 3rd July and we were talking to each other on the phone last night and we had a bit of a fight and he told me if we can’t sort it out he will finish with me so I’m deeply upset! I sent him a text earlier but he ain’t replied so I think we are over! Don’t know what to do? I need your help please
Lisa Redfield says
I would just leave him be and give him some time to straighten out his thoughts. If you stop contacting him for a while he’ll have a chance to think clearly.
Bella says
I’m sorry this happened. But remember guys don’t understand a lot of things and some of the times actually are just trying to let you down easy when they say they need a break. But that is a sign they actually just want to be friends but don’t want to hurt your feelings but friends might turn into a relationship again. So I recommend to just become friends and give him a break and then see where it goes
Jordan says
My ex and I were together for 4 months then broke up because he found someone new and that didn’t work out at all and he told me you don’t realize what you have until you lost it and we got back together and dated and said how much he loved me and was so happy to be with me and then we moved in together because he was going to school and I was going to work than a month later he left me because he felt like I didn’t love him and he didn’t think things were working out and that time we dated for 4 months and now he’s gone and he found someone new that I know I was better then and she isn’t his type at all she is into drugs and isn’t the type he would be interested in. I’m just wondering if he will ever come back to me and actually realize for real what he lost?
Barry says
Hi so my ex girlfriend ended it with me a month ago. She says that I have changed and she doesn’t have my feelings for me. We were together 10 years and have a 3 year old daughter together. She lets me see and keep the child whenever I want. I was a total asshole to her after my dad died 5 years ago and didn’t show her my love. Before she broke up with me she got me sorted for councilling for my depression. I did all the wrong things after she broke up with me liking blowing her phone up with texts and calling her. But the last week I have tried to go no contact but she breaks it with texts starting off about the child and then something else. She sends me selfies of her looking her best and it’s killing me that I don’t know what to do to get her back.
Lisa Redfield says
Barry,
I don’t think you can do a no contact when you have a child together…but I also think that if she sends you pictures of her looking her best – it’s a definite sign that she is open to you getting back together. If you are patient, and maintain a good friendship with her (without pressuring her to get back together) – there’s a good chance that it’s going to happen. Cheer up.
Selam says
Hello there.
Before months I met a guy on social media. We stared talking and become good friends. And out of nowhere we stared to like each other. I felt like I met my dream guy. He also told me that he really likes me and he will never let me go. After months we set a date and talked that we will spend the night together. On that day we arrived at the restaurant and we had dinner. And when the time goes we went to his house. The 1st 2 hours was good and we were fine. After that he told me that he will never want to see me again. I asked why? He said that he thought I was virgin and you were talking to me as you were pure and know nothing. And he said he hated me from that moment and will neber miss me. I was so polite to him. I called to my friend to come to me. And I told him that J really loke him and will miss him so much and even though he refuses to touch me I kissed him on his forehead and went to my home.
Its been 4 days since this thing happen. But he never called me or text me. And I also didnt call and text him. But I want to get him back. I really miss him so much. But I dont know how to do things. Please advice me.
Sarah says
On Sunday, Dec 17, 2017 my boyfriend broke up with me. It was what I believe over something so simple and believed that he over reacted. He broke up with me because I told him I had this dream where we were both in bed and once I turned around he was far from me. I tried to reach out to him and he just kept moving further and further away until he eventually disappeared. I feared losing him. I love him and that’s my one fear out of everything was losing him. HE got upset and it went on for several hours of us talking and crying till he eventually told me to leave and take all my things with me. HE took the keys back to his apartment and helped me carry all my things to my car. Before we left he said to me that I have special place for him in his heart and that he doesn’t want to lose me in his life and to be friends. HE walked away but I pulled him to hug him
A few hours later, I meet up with a friend and I tell everything. Note that my friend practically lives on the same street as my ex-boyfriend. My friend calls me and tells me that he saw my ex-boyfriend kissing another girl. I was so devastated and angry. I cried all night. How could be so evil? ON the same day he broke up with me….HE moves on to someone else.
The next day. Monday. i get to work and I get a text from him. A “hi”. I don’t answer and he says “So, youre going to ignore me. Ok. I understand. I was trying to be nice. Goodbye then.”
Its been three days since the break up. I am mad and sad but I still love my boyfriend. I want to get over him and I keep telling myself that he doesn’t deserve me.
Sara says
Sarah,
The guy is pretending to be the victim, i would suggest you to leave a text telling him that you know he is seeing someone else and that is why you didnt reply to him, and tell him to stop contacting you. This guy left you over something so stupid, its more like he was looking for a way to get out of it. You deserve so much better hun!
Sarah says
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS.
Two days ago I accidentally called him on facebook. He messages me and ask “what do i need” and i reply and said it was an accident. He then replies with “Fine. Bye” I felt that last message was a bit of an angry message.
The next day he unfriend me on facebook. So childish. But it didn’t bother me one bit.
I’m slowly falling out of love with him. I actually pity him. He is someone that is afraid of being alone. He is afraid of being alone with his thoughts. He didn’t want to be alone on Christmas and New Year’s.
Ohhhh also found out that the girl is a “military wife” and she’s 10 years younger than him.
Sara says
Good that you are moving on. Hopefully you’ll find someone way better!
Jam says
I told my crush sorry and tell him to give me one more chance, then he blocked me, then I opened a new account pretend to be my friend that he don’t know and tell him to unblock me then he blocked me too, now what should I do? Please help me!!
Sara says
You dont even need to be sorry, he was the one who cheated on you! He should be sorry!
Dont do anything, let him know that you really loved him and that you are disappointed by what he did, you tried to get back to him and give u guys another chance but he doesnt deserve it now.
Let him be. Let him feel the guilt!
Just a person says
So i fell in love with a guy and we were almost together for a year but then he dumped me. He then started going out with another girl. They didn’t last very long and then he came back to me. He told me that he loved me and that I was the only one that understood him. We got back together and after a while he cheated and my heart was torn between my love for him and by what he did. We decided to just be friends but my feelings are still here. I want him back. I want all of his weirdness, his compassion, his love, his generosity, his kindness, and his overall presence in my everyday life.
But I don’t know if I should tell him how I feel.
Can I have some advice?
Lisa Redfield says
If you can except him the way he has – meaning kindness, love etc AND cheating tendency together – I would tell him that. But if you can’t except him the way he is – with his inability to be monogamous at this point – you’re just setting yourself up for more heart ache.
laly silva says
Hello, I just been confused lately about my ex and I have no idea if I should keep fighting for him or move on with my life. Note: we dated for 2 years and 6 months.
My ex and I broke up almost a month ago, because he stated that love was dying and that he isn’t interested anymore. That he doesn’t love me and only sees me as a friend. This really got me off guard, because on Friday night we spend the whole day with his family and being the couple we were and then on Tuesday he ignores me and saying that hes busy when I know he’s playing video games, when he comes back doing a lot of physical activity. its hes chill place. I keep asking him why he stop loving me, but doesn’t want to give me a real reason. All he said was that he stop and that there was no spark. Honestly, I believe that’s a lie because this summer we spent a lot together, we tried different places on dates, we were smiling and loving each other. Not a single once that I saw that love was dying. Then I asked him what was one the main reasons why he fell in love with me and he said ” your determination and its exactly what youre doing right now.” Many of friends believe its a total BS that he left me like that because we always seemed happy. Don’t get me wrong we had our moments in arguments and etc, but somehow we fix it and stay together. They said maybe hes afraid that hes holding you back since youre going to the university, youre smart that you get into the deans list, and he can barely get a C in his class. I have asked him if it is because of that and he leaves me on read. Yet, he tells me hes considering other girls hes interested in but he invited me to church and saw theres not really girls hes talking to. He told me how much I motivate him school, how he wants to become better. How important I am to him. How can he go from telling me ” I could tell you a million times I love you” to ” I don’t love you anymore.” I just don’t know if I should keep going, because I truly love him. This hurts me so much.
April says
Thanks for commenting this.. We haven’t really spoken yet about us. I am giving him space right now.. I am learning that I can not control anyone or anything but myself. It’s not easy because my first instincts tell me to text him how much I miss him and want him back.. I hate that our son isn’t with both of us. His is with dad at the moment and I only text to ask how he is and he text back promptly. I am 35 years old and can say I have been rather immature in the past.. I guess I didn’t realize he would actually leave me. I can’t say he left us because he still sees his son.. I hope you are right in your prediction. I can’t imagine a life without him in it..
april says
Five days ago my boyfriend and sons father left me. We had been fighting recently and I wasn’t thw best at communication honestly. We have a 10 month old son together. This is his first child and he loves him very much. I am just lost without my family.. I can say that I was very much prideful and didn’t treat him how I should have. I am the sole provider and he stays home with our son.. I now have to put my son in daycare and try to pull myself together because honestly he might be done with me. He moved back in with his mother and brother. I am bot texting him but he does text to check on our son and told me he has a job and will send me money. I dont care about the money. I want my guy back. I didnt appreciate what a good man I had until he left.. We just stopped communication and I am scared he no longer loves me.. He told me before he left that I had no love inside me and it broke him. He says I should have tried harder before he checked out.. I know now just what he means to me.. I took a good man for granted and I am so mad at myself.. Please tell me how to fix this? Is it over? My son needs his father and so do I.. He hasn’t asked me how I am doing and I just think he is done.. I messed up so bad.. I can’t forgive myself. I can’t no contact him odviously we have a small child. Will he miss us and wanna come home? He honestly seemed miserable with the way things were going and staying hone with no car made him feel like less of a man.. Because I made the money he felt like I was controlling him he said. I didnt mean to make him feel that way. Please help me..
Lisa Redfield says
I don’t know why April, but I feel like everything will be o.k. He found a job, which is what he really wanted to do (and felt like he couldn’t do while you were living together), and once he sees and feels that you love him (when you communicate with him in a friendly manner), I believe he’ll come back.
Just try to not pressure him and tell him that you understand why left. Don’t bed him to come back, just tell him that you know your mistakes and that you love him.
Give him some time. He needs it. It’ll be o.k.
Emmma207 says
Hi All, I have been seeing this guy on off for 5 months. We had incredibly chemistry and the sex was out of this world. He made air-kisses and kissed me like crazy when he left my flat. I dated another, once, in this period and he got jealous.
The he stopped it. Then got back to me and suggested to meet. I had plans so couldn’t. The it happened again. He said he had challenges with work etc. And said he had met another. After that he suggested to meet again , so he had dropped her. we agreed a date, and one day after that he again stopped it. I am really confused… I know he enjoys my company and loves the sex. We made dinners to each other in the period we met. I know he has some struggles at this point. Now it has been 2 days. I regullary met him at the gym. So I would like to ask him if it was my fault..as I wrote pretty much to him the last days befor he stopped it for 3 time. What should I do? I really want to see him again… I know he is not seeing someone else.
Frangiapani says
The ‘3 Ways to Tell if he Secretly Wants you Back’ is a bit difficult when my ex blocked me on FB 10 minutes after he left me with no explanation. I’ve never harassed, begged or bothered him in any way when we were together or since, so there was no need to block. So, I can’t tell what he’s doing at all to answer any of these 3 things. 🙁
Sydney says
Hi, I started dating this guy this year after I developed a crush on him. He has depression and anxiety and it’s hard for him to put in a lot of effort into things and work with commitment. We broke up after about a month and I wasn’t so attached so I quickly got over it and we decided to stay friends. And around a month after that he started flirting with me again and I didn’t really want to break up in the first place so I eagerly took him back.
We started dating again and it was fantastic we spent so many great times together and made amazing memories. We grew close, almost inseparable as we had almost every class together in school and hung out during all breaks. Then after about 3 months he started distancing himself. I don’t know if a relationship was finally becoming too much work for him or I was getting too attached, but he talked to me and said I should hang out with my friends more and not with him all the time. I agreed that we had been with each other more than our own friends and that that needed to change so I began hanging out with my girl friends more.
A few weeks after that he dumped me over text very rudely without a sorry or anything sweet. Last time we broke up it was a joint agreement, but he was the one to initiate it and he was very kind and respectful with it. This time he was rude and blunt and just flat out insensitive. I don’t want to get back with him since he’s changed a lot and he’s not the same as he was before, I just want to know what I might’ve done wrong or what had changed between us.
Sarah says
Hi, so my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. Initially he was veey rude to me and for the whole time of one month when i was chasing and begging him he kept telling me how he didnt love me anymore and i should leave him alone and move on cus he has moved on.
I went for no contact and did end up breaking it a couple of times, but what i did notice was a change in him. He wasnt rude to me anymore and was actually talking to me nice. When i asked him if he misses me he said he didnt want to answer which clearly showed that he did miss me.
I started no contact again… and ended up breaking it AGAIN after a week or so.. but i did see some improvement, he finally admitted he did have feelings for me but he doesn’t want to get back together with me.
Now i dont want to chase him anymore because i dont want to look desperate, i want him to somehow make up his mind on his own to get back with me- any way to help accelerate the process?
Chloe.A says
Me and my ex had been together for nearly 3 and a half year. Our relationship has never been perfect, but he truly made me so happy, i could be myself around him, from the beginning it was hard to get him to commit he would message me once a day, take hours to respond, he was also very in and out of my life (I think he was scared of commitment) However from the minute i met him i knew he was something different, i waited 2 years to be with him as he was in another relationship i didn’t interfere i let time run its course.
Over the years he changed, it took a lot of effort but he worked hard on his communications. Before he broke up with me i would wake up and Skype him from the morning right the way through to the time i went to sleep. We are both currently at uni very close to each other but he is on a placement so this year he is over an hour away from me, but this didn’t change anything.
Before he broke up with me he would always say just randomly that he loved me millions, he brought up us buying a flat after uni, i don’t understand why this has all changed and he left me. He said it was because he didn’t love me anymore and he found someone new but i don’t believe he has or even was talking to someone else, I’m not sure about the love bit though.
I get quite stressed and i can be quite intense but i don’t understand! He had to drive me back to uni as i had come down to his to see him and my family. On the way back it was weird id go through millions of emotions from crying my eyes out begging for another chance in which he would just say no, he can’t be bothered, there is too much water under the bridge, he can’t trust me, these are all things he has said before on previous break ups! the next minute we would be laughing and joking as if nothing was wrong!
Im so confused, he doesn’t like talking about emotions or anything like that so he start getting angry in the car because u kept going on and on but i couldn’t help it. He gave everything back, but kept the things i bought him throughout the years.
On his Facebook he has kept our profile photo and our relationship which is giving me hope as its been nearly a week, he was the dumper so wouldn’t he change it straight away?
i would do anything to get him back. Is there any chance for us? I would do anything,I want to press reset and start again!
To quickly add i have ever once broken up with him, i always said he was the one for me and that i would rather talk through things and fox them then leave, however he has broken up with me atlas 5 times, but always comes back after a weekish as i always go off grid!
Is this time different? Can i get him back again?
Marie Perez says
Hi Lisa, where do I begin my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We have two kids together. We both known each other since we were 11 years old. However, reunited years later. We were both in marriages which we left to be together. I instantly became pregnant and when my first daughter was born he left me when she was two and a half months two days before Xmas . I was devastated and lost. He was lost but he ended up coming back home 7 weeks later. Things were great and then I became pregnant again basically 5 months after my daughter was born. I was scared but he was happy hoping he would get the boy he wanted. We went about our lives enjoying life found out I was having a boy n he was extatic. My son was born in nov. And he told me he wasn’t happy with his life blamed me for everything and left me with my 15 month old daughter and my son was only two weeks old. It’s been two months no progress if anything I feel it’s worse and I filed for child support which he’s upset about. He says he wants to b alone and find himself and I’m just here struggling with two kids while he lives the life. He’s been going out and even took a weekend vac to FL. I have tried to talk to him even tried to ignore him but it just goes out the window. At this point I think he hates me. I’m extent hurt and feel he is going through mid life crisis. He also has a daughter from previous marriage which she nine years old and he’s fighting a divorce right now. I have supported him threw everything and when I needed him the most he walked out on me. He continues to say it’s over for me to move on and makes it clear when we text. His mother and family are also ashamed at what he did. He is also living in his mothers basement with her. He only discusses money n kids Is there a chance for this to work ? Am I wasting my time ? What should I do at this point.
Lisa Redfield says
Marie,
I know it sounds crazy, but I think that the more you let him go and allow him to “live the life”, the more chances he’ll calm down and realize he wants his family.
I know it’s hard to think about, what this situation was created by both of you, as with every relationship. You took a chance on him after he left you for the first time and even had another child with him, knowing there’s a big chance he’ll leave again (since he did it once), so this is a result of your choices, and the more you recognize it the more you’ll understand that you create your own reality and you can create a different reality, one that satisfies you – just the same.
I wouldn’t try to convince him to come back. The more you’ll try the further away he’ll run. Give it some time and decide that for a certain period of time, you let him go completely.
I’m no expert, it’s just what I would do.
Hang in there, everything will be alright, and you are much stronger than you think. And much more worthy too.
Marie says
Thank you. Do u think the anger he has will subside. At this point I feel like he hates me may not even love me. I don’t know I felt taking h to child support would b the end we don’t go to court until next month. Do we even have a chance or am I wasting my time and should move on. I know I took a chance the first time. I really feel he’s being influenced by I guess his cop friends. Is he even thinking of us or hurting he has such flat affect and can keep a great poker face. He doesn’t even call me or text me and when he does text it’s only about the kids. But like you say I will move forward and let him be. Just at times feel it’s such a mess how could we ever get to a good state if all he does is push me away n I fear the worest that he may find another girl. The thing that kills me the most is he’s missing all the great moments with his children. I mean what is going on in his head. It’s crazy I’m a therapist I can help others but can’t use it on my own self. Ur words were healing I truely appreciate it.
Ayu says
My story is probably the weirdest of of all. I have a brain tumor and it has taken away so much from me. While I still was in the first stage,this guy I had always been formal friends with proposed to me after a month or two of great talking. I said yes because I always liked him . Things went downhill after my surgery, I was really r3ally insecure, the surgery had taken away my hearing and left me paralysed on the right side of my face. That being said,i was only 19 at that time, jealous, insecure , clingy, etc. The guy always wanted to :take a break’, somewhere I knew he was losing all that he once had for me but I convinced myself otherwise. He liked some other girl while he was still with me and the girl liked him too but he never told her that he reciprocated her feelings. Last year in July, he broke up with me because of a possible misunderstanding(still not cleared out) and we’ve been friends ever since. I have always loved him and always felt his love in the way he treated me(sometimes lol). A few days back he told me with a lot of patience that he was not in love with me and he had stopped feeling anything for me. He wanted to be friends but I just couldn’t take that so I told him I couldn’t be friends with him. I uninstalled all social media from my phone. Two days later, he came to my home to meet me and wanted me to re-install the social media. I declined. I don’t know what to do lol. He keeps my sanity intact but being just friends with him without wanting for more is impossible. More than 3 years of my life revolved around him and suddenly it’s all gone
Lisa Redfield says
In my eyes, this is your golden opportunity to reclaim your independence and self-worth. You DON’T need him for your sanity, you DON’T need him to be complete. You don’t need anyone but your inner self. What you are really asking is a way to regain your confidence, your security, your trusting in your self. And this is the exact gift he is trying to give you, and you are trying to give to your self.
Take this gift. Focus on yourself. Regain your self worth, and when you do – you’ll get anything and everyone you want.
Nicole says
The father of my child broke up with me when our son was only 4 months old.his now nine months old.
He came to my house and told me he misses me.He wanted to kiss me but I refused.he was horny he said we should make love.
Am not sure if he really misses me or he just want to sleep with me and leave me again.
Please help
Lisa Redfield says
Nicole,
Seems to me he was interested in sex. I would not play along and see if he still wants you back.
Rita says
Well for my case, we were close friends for 1.5 years then we started dating and I can say I have spent the most beautiful 5 months of my life with him.
Suddenly and for unknown reasons he left but I thought maybe it’s the divorce issue. Lately I found out that he has been in a relationship for 2 years now with someone and kept it a secret from me and from the public. He was always talking to me about his preoccupation with the kids and his work but never mentioned her in front of me. He always said he has no time for his own life and his kids come first. I faced him and admitted he met her few months just few months after he broke up with me.
The weird thing is that he wants me to be around and stay in touch but due to the big amount of lies he has done over the past 2 years I refused to stay close to him. 1.5 months are gone so far and he hasn’t even apologized for lying, instead he is approaching my best friend (but didn’t bring our subject to her yet).
I still love him and deeply want him back but I don’t feel like I want to do anything to get him back because I am hurt. Also Christmas is here and he didn’t greet me 🙁
Aani says
Hey brad..kindly give me your email address. So that I can share my sufferrings with u 🙁
Ellie says
Hello, my ex boyfriend and i was in a LDR for almost 2.5years.. we are living in a different continents but we see each other twice or thrice a year.. he proposed to me on the first day of this year to get married so we can finally be together.. we agreed November will be our big day.. however a few days before the wedding, he cancelled it for the reason he doesn’t feel the love anymore.. he is so depressed and he want to find himself without me.. so i said goodbye.. however after a few days, since i missed him so much and i sent him a text.. he replied and said he was devastated and dont know if the decision to let me go was the right decision, and he still dont know if he loves me or not.. he is still on a depressed state and i dont know if i should continue communicating with him or apply the NC rule.. i know i want him back.. i dont know what to do..
Lisa Redfield says
Ellie,
I think he needs more time to figure out what’s going on with him. I would do the NC and try to move on with my life. If it’s meant to be – It will be.
Ellie says
Thanks Lisa, then it may also mean that i will loose him.. though i know i want to bring him back.,
Elle says
hello! i’ve never posted on anything like this before because i’ve never been in such a heartbroken place. the pain is so bad i’m having trouble eating or doing pretty much anything. i work but when i’m alone i cry. i can’t sleep well because i dream about him and i wake up crying. i’m purely devastated.
i’m 25 and he’s 27. we broke up last weekend after being together for almost six months. he broke up with me and i still cannot fathom that this is my new reality. we have differences but we’ve never let them interfere with our love; which had been strong, healthy, and beautiful. our relationship had its challenges, as most do, but he was so set on us getting through everything together. in september he moved in with a roommate and i fell into a bad depression (unrelated) and our arguments, which were always far and few between prior, began happening more frequently. they kept us up late talking through things and reconciling. it was exhausting and it did make me doubt, but his constant reassurance and declaration of love for me made me restore so much faith in us.
we saw each other on a thursday, had a wonderful, argument-free night together, and friday i was having a rough time with things and i was ranting to him about it. later that day i called him to apologize if i took frustration out on him and told him how much i love him. saturday he broke up with me. i felt so blind sided and so devastated that all i could do all last week was try to make him see how we’re meant to be together. i would send him summaries of articles about repairing relationships, memories of how we had so many more wonderful moments than moments arguing, and i even made him a playlist of songs that reminded me of our relationship. he agreed to meet with me sunday to talk; which gave me hope. unfortunately, although he said he was inspired by how i fought for him and us, he was still convinced that his decision to break up is right for both of us and he brought me my things.
his reasoning for breaking up with me is apparently because he believes we’re incompatible, he’s not in a place for a relationship (he loves time alone and space), and that he doesn’t love me like he used to. he said if we got back together it would be forced and out of guilt, and he feel like he’d be a coward. he said the night we broke up he cried as he drove home and spent his whole night in bed crying due to guilt and empathy for how badly he hurt me. he said if we’re really meant to be we’ll be together but i’m terrified that will never happen. he told me that i’m significant and special to him, that i’m the best woman he’s ever been with, how his family and friends will miss me, etc.
i love him. i truly believe he’s the person i’m meant to be with.
i’m sorry if this is long and pathetic. thank you for reading it and thank you for giving heartbroken women advice.
Lisa Redfield says
Elle,
First of all you’re not being pathetic at all. I know how you feel, and believe me, millions of other women do too.
I think the first thing to understand is that it’s not something you did. It has nothing to do with your depression, it has to do with what he is capable and not capable to deal with.
And the reality is that as soon as you hit the first major obstacle in your relationship, he couldn’t handle it. I’m not judging him, it’s just the way it is.
If you truly believe this guy is meant for you than he is right: If you are meant to be together, you will.
You have to let go of fear and trust your life process. Let go and trust.
And if you are wrong, and he is not the one, you won’t be back together. And that would be great – Because he is not the one.
Personally I think there is no such thing as “the one”. But maybe people understand this only after some life experience, and you are still young. (How great is that!)
I would keep going with the no contact rule. But, it has to be done without waiting and expecting a certain result. You have to take this NC time to focus on yourself. Focus on healing yourself and your life. Focus on healing your depression.
I believe there is good behind everything “bad” that happens to us. It’s just hard to see it when you’re inside the “storm”.
I hope this helps in some way, and I know you don’t believe right now (but it’s still true) – It happened for the best. Trust that the best thing for you will happen, and it will.
Hang in there, you are much stronger that you think.
Lisa
kelly says
We broke-up three weeks ago. Having his child of 1year whom he has never seen. He said he s no longer interested with me nor my child. But still sendng money for his upkeep.
I tried no contact rule. He contacted me the otother day requesting to talk to his son of which i told him am not with him.
Following day he called me to inform that hecw will be visiting home to see his son.i tld him its okay.
We have not yet communicated again.
Does he want me back
Lisa Redfield says
Kelly,
From what you’ve told me here it seems that at this point he only wants to meet with his child. However, when he comes to see him you’ll be able to talk, and from there anything can happen (as long as you don’t beg and ask him to come back).
Good luck!
Dee dee says
Hey guys, so my situation is long and complicated. I’ll be as brief as possible, any advice is most welcomed and appreciated! I was dating this guy for a year and 4 months, long distance due to many factors. We are both from different cultures and we met overseas, I lost my grandparents in a very tragic way, they were murdered and while dealing with that… We found out he had a lump (he’s had cancer when he was younger). He goes back home and finds out he’s got cancer. Quits his job and went back to his hometown, during that time we met up in Europe and a month later I went to see him during Christmas for few days. His surgery was in feb, I flew to be by his side during the recovery. We met a month later and then we had a gap of 5 months before meeting again. The distance as very hard on us and him especially, we fought a lot and made up a lot! He loved me, I knew it… We decided the last time we met in sept that I’d move to UK to be with him. He’s got a job and is now working there, 20 days after his move… We have a fight and he ends things with me completely. He switched off and won’t call to talk to me and ignores me. He says he’s not sure we can stop fighting and is scared but can’t give us another chance… He’s not sure. I love him a lot, I stayed by his side during a rough patch and he was by mine as well… During his down time, I paid for a lot of stuff and loaned him A LOT of money… Now I’m torn, I’m losing my job. I was to move in November and now have no direction at all and he won’t even talk to me …
Jessica says
I’ve been with this guy for over a year now. We were the happiest living together and everything. We would plan our future together and now it’s all crushed to the ground. We were arguing too much and didn’t speak for like our last 2 nights together. In the breakup message he also told me he loved me to death but that it wasn’t working out which I completely understood. Well the same night I left his house he was already sleeping with another girl being the rudest person to me and I don’t even know what I did. I’ve texted him a few times and he’s just rude. I don’t know if he even loved me anymore. I miss him like crazy and want him back but I also had the chance of seeing them 2 together and to me she didn’t look too happy but maybe it was just in my head.
Lisa Redfield says
Jessica,
I think that it’s not too late. The fact that he is seeing someone else doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore.
The problem with texting is that you have to do it the right way, or it can ruin everything.
That’s why I’ve written a few posts about it.
Here’s the one that can help you:
https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-by-text/
Good luck!
Shaina says
I was good to him, his best friend, always there for him and supporting him in any way I could and he more or less used me and walked away like no big deal. Worst part was he was my friend for years before this and when I told him I liked him he literally begged me to trust him and give him a chance, he adored me blah blah blah. Then out of no where he was wrong to think he had feelings and is still in love with his ex from years ago (who is now married to his best friend, what a moron he is). This came out of no where. After the way he hurt me, I don’t want him back. I just want him to suffer and be sorry. He seems to not care at all after I doted on him and he just screwed me over. I want revenge! I cut off all contact week and a half ago. How long till this bastard kicks himself?! Will it take another cheating girlfriend to realize what he had with me? I hate him so much.
Lisa Redfield says
I understand you are very angry and hurt. I think that in a few days, or months, you’ll be able to think more clearly and you’ll realize that no revenge will make you feel better, just worse.
But now is not the time for that. Now’s the time to let your anger out. It’s o.k. You are loved, always.
Willow Hope says
I was dating this guy for one to two years, (it was long distance, although close enough to drive). It was my first and serious relationship I ever had. He is a year older, and we had a very good relationships, no arguments. Then someone found out about our relationship, and was very against it. Then our relationship went downhill and he told me several months later that he wanted us to be friends, that it’s him, not me. He also told me that he thought our relationship was hard because we barely get to see each other and that he had he had a girl that he he kind of liked. So i did the no contact thing for a year although we saw each other one a week. When we saw each other, he made gestures like tapping me on the back, teasing me, touching me, and asking me to sit with him on a seat that was too small. Does this mean he still likes me, he wants to be friends, or he is scared about people finding out about our relationship? He also tries to impress me a lot, and he also teased me a lot when he had a big crush on me. It is very hard because he is showing me mixed signals. Please give me some advice on this. Thank you!
Lisa Redfield says
Willow,
I think that a part of him is interested in a relationship with you, and another part refuses it, due to outside circumstances, as you’ve said.
But, I have to say that seeing him once a week is not exactly going no-contact. No contact means, well, no contact.
Why do you see him once a week? And does he have a girlfriend at this point?
Maryana says
Hi
My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago..during this month i went to no contact but broke it two times..he wanted to keep our friendship. But what i did last time, calling him and crying a little bit reminding our good memories to him and how much I loved him..but i didn’t beg for his coming back. He only kept silent and told he will talk to me me later. Then he called me the other day but I didn’t answer him. He didnt cal anymore. Then i checked this page and found you mentioned if i dont contcat him for one week, then i can text him this” “Hey _____, I just want to let you know that I’m 100% cool with the breakup and I thought that it was a good idea. Hope we can still be friends. Talk soon.”
He didnt answer yet after two hours..
What shall i do now? Did I rush? Did I text wrongly? What will he react? PLease let me know what i can do next?
Lisa Redfield says
You did great. He saw the message. Now you have to keep your cool and live your life. He has to believe what you wrote him, right? So you have to really mean it. The minute he sees you’re not clinging he will have a chance to put his guard down and get in touch with his feelings and what he really wants.
Keep the no contact and try not to break it. That’s what I would do anyway, just my advice.
Good luck!
Natasha says
My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We are expecting a baby together. And 2 days before he broke up with me we were looking at houses and baby clothes. I want him back in my life but he told me that he has been talking to someone for a couple days so what do I do to win him back
Megan says
My boyfriend of a year and 5 months recently broke up with me about 4 days ago because he said he needs space and time to think about where his future is going. He tells me he currently doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and just wants to be himself for a while. For the past few months of our relationship, I was really needy and clingy and I know that’s what pushed him away. The first day after the breakup I did happen to beg and plead and cry and I called him and he happened to cry as well saying he doesn’t like it either but he knows it’s best for us right now. He says he will still have feelings for me and love me for a very long time, and I told him the same thing. By the second day I had told him I was doing just fine and he said he was happy as well. I know he only wants to see me happy and that I don’t need just him in my life to make me happy and that I can be independent and happy with myself. I did lose a lot of trust in him and my faith in him in the relationship did start to lack towards the end. I understand now where our problems lie, I have been using the 30 day NC rule, only for about 2 days now though, and he hasn’t said anything to me either. I know just like I do, he has a lot on his plate and needs to think about things. I love him so much and this is very hard for me I am trying to keep my head up but I can’t stop thinking that he may never want me again and will move on to someone better. He did although tell me the first day that hey maybe things will turn out later down the road so at least I know he has hope as well. I know for myself I will be taking this time to improve myself as an individual, I will do something different with my hair or something to give me more confidence, and I will start working out more, but mostly prove to myself that I happy and okay with this. Because I know men are attracted to confidence 😉 my goal right now is to get him back in a few months or so, but also to keep moving forward with my life and not dwell on the negative side of things. I do still believe things will work out in the end because they always have with us and I need him to know how much I truly respect his time and space right now. Please help me and let me know if you think what I’m doing is the right thing and if you might believe things will work out for us.
Lisa Redfield says
Megan,
You seem to have your head in the right place, that’s great. But just pay attention to your words, because they are important:
1. “…and will move on to someone better” – Not better, someone ELSE. You are perfect just the way you are!
2. “Because I know men are attracted to confidence” – You have to do all these things for YOURSELF and no one else, definitely not because men like confidence. You have to focus on yourself, without expecting anything from him. If you regain your confidence for real, not just for appearances, he too (like everyone else) will feel it.
If it won’t be real and honest, it won’t work.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best.
Lisa
Sarah Lund says
I understand, but why do we bother trying to win them back? It’s as if we’ve been conditioned to not take no for an answer, which quite frankly scares me. How many more man hours are we going to waste on this? If he regrets losing you, he will come and find you, and he will literally be all over you, but if he never does, take it as gospel that he isn’t bothered about seeing you again. I know it’s tough. Better to accept love lost, than to keep going over it. You never know, you might meet a total hunk, next time around 😉 I know you don’t trust the winky smiley. I can tell. Ha ha.
Catelyn says
Hello
My boyfriend & I had been dating for 3 years. I’m a senior in high school and he is a freshman in college.
We were doing so well. Before he left for college we were sure we had a greater chance than other couples.
On Oct 3 he came back home because he had a short break. We were happy. We even discussed thanksgiving and Christmas plans. He said he loved me and that we could definitely get through this.
A couple weeks later we had had an argument and we didn’t talk for a while. I was trying to give him space. But after a couple of days I texted him. He got mad and said that he intended to text me but he was just so busy. I thought it was ridiculous because I knew he was on social media and that he DID have time to text me.
On Oct 19 he broke up with me. He dumped me over TEXT message. He said that he just felt bad for not giving me the time I deserve. He said I deserved better. I told him I totally understood his time situation. I offered him a break, time, etc but he only got mad. After arguing a lot he said he didn’t love me anymore and that we had too many problems for us to ever work. I buegged for him to not leave me. But I insisted for him to at least call me so we could talk. He annoyingly accepted but after talking for five minutes he hung up.
He refused to see me over thanksgiving break. He won’t talk or see me. He didn’t even wish me a merry Christmas but his mom did?
I just don’t understand want went wrong? We were fine? Why does he refuse to talk to me? I know the time thing wasn’t the problem since I always see on social media that he has time to be with friends. How could he choose his new friends over his best friend of 3 years who has been for him through so much? Is there anything I can do?
Lisa Redfield says
Catelyn,
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
If I had to guess, this weird behavior indicated that he has met someone over there, and his anger is caused by guilt feelings.
Begging him again would probably be a big mistake.
I would try the 60-day no contact rule and see where it goes.
Here’s how to do it: https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/
Monica says
Lisa,
I think it’s great that you respond to these comments! I actually need advice about my break-up that happened two days ago. We were only together two months so it wasn’t long. But he’s the first guy in at least two years that I actually trusted which I think is why it hurts so bad.
He started calling me his girlfriend only a couple weeks after we met and about a month in, we went on a weekend trip to Chicago. Last Tuesday, he told me that I’ve made him happier than he has been in several years. The only problem was that he’s really bad about talking about his feelings. He would never flirt with me or compliment me and it was making me really doubt things. And then I blew up at him because he didn’t let me know until Christmas Eve night that he couldn’t come to my family Christmas party, which I invited him to a couple weeks before because his family lives out of state and I didn’t want him to be alone on Christmas (mind you, I had to ask him again if he was coming…I’m not even sure if he would have told me otherwise).
This led me to send him a bunch of angry text messages about how I can’t stand that he won’t talk to me about how he actually feels and that a girl needs to feel special sometimes. And with every text, he would ignore it or start texting me about something completely different like it never even happened.
So, on Monday we decided to meet up for lunch. I asked him why he’s been acting this way. He told me, “When you look at me like you’re falling in love with me, it freaks me out because I’m not there yet. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be there.” I told him, “Well, I’m not in love with you and we’ve only been together for two months so there’s no rush.” Then he told me that he’s scared that he’ll hurt me more and that, if I stay with him I’ll be as cynical as he is and that he never wants me to change who I am because I’m amazing. I asked him, “Do you think it’s possible for you to ever love me?” And he said, “I don’t know.” Then I said, “Well I’m not asking for a commitment. I’m just asking if it’s possible.” After saying I don’t know a couple more times, he finally said, “No.” Then I asked him if he even had feelings for me, and he said, “No.” When I asked him when they stopped, he said about a month ago after we went to Chicago. I asked him why, if it was anything I did. He again said “No, you’re amazing. Never change. I’m just an ass.”
I do really care about him. I just wonder if the feelings are gone for good and he’s just scared to be in a relationship (he hasn’t been in a relationship in about eight years and just got out of being in the marines for seven years so no female contact at all). Mainly I just don’t want to feel like the last couple months have been a lie because that’s what hurts the most.
Lisa Redfield says
Monica,
I don’t think the last couple of months were a lie. I think that he is afraid of something. Unfortunately, there’s nothing much you can do about it, other than accept it and let him go, if he wants to.
When a guy says things like this, no matter how hurt we feel, we have to believe them. And the worst way to change it is to demand for something that isn’t there at the moment, even if you know that he is scared.
I would take my distance from him, give him a chance to think about things and have the opportunity to miss you and realize what he’s about to lose.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know what it is to build a world of expectations and dreams of a future only to find that it only exists in our head. I’ve been there too.
Hang in there, everything happens for a reason, and for a good one.
prachita says
we were chatting so frequently..mostly often all day long when we get time..he asked me for my social site’s password and I Denied from than he stopped talking its been 2 months we stopped chatting and I really miss him because I was used to share everything with him and I thought he is my best friend.but now I don’t think I should massage him if he doesn’t.but I miss him so badly..all day I am only thinking about him.lef me clarify we haven’t met we was only chatting through what’s app and other social sites. these days in a group he is talking about one girl he likes. and I am feeling jealous I don’t know what to do plz suggest something.thank you!
Lisa Redfield says
Prachita,
I would like to help but I didn’t understand why you stopped talking/chatting in the first place…
prachita says
I didn’t…he stopped talking he deleted all his accounts from social sites nd I was helpless in that situation
Rose says
Hi Lisa,
I would really appreciate your advice on what to do.
My ex fiance and I ended things 7 months ago. We were having many fights. He would lie about things which caused me to become paranoid which made him lie even more and I just ended up suffocating him. Things began to fall apart and he decided to end it with me saying that he felt confused, felt no more attraction and wasn’t sure about what he wanted. I had never been this heartbroken in my life. One second I was planning a future and the next I was left all alone. When he first broke up with me I begged him to give it another chance. But when i got rejected once again, I kinda backed off. Throughout these 7 months though he has stayed in contact with me. Every once in a while he’d mostly be the one to initiate contact. He texts me funny things and always checks up on me, never really talking about our past or hinting the idea of getting back together. I finally grew the courage to go into NC by the 5th month. Expectedly, he began to text like crazy asking why I all of sudden started to ignore him, saying stuff like he misses me. After a month of NC i eventually gave in and began to reply to his texts. We began to talk on a daily basis. He would text me goodmorning and goodnight daily and mention many past memories together including pictures and videos. That all felt great and for a while I really thought that maybe he wants to work on getting back together. 2 weeks passed and still no mention of this. His msgs eventually began to lessen and I began to feel like I was becoming that person he only speaks to because he felt comfortable with me. I grew anxious and started thinking what if he has no intentions of getting back and wants to just be friends. So I just went into No contact again. He realized immediately and i simply told him that I’m not interested in staying friends anymore. Now I’m just waiting to see overtime what his reaction to this will be… for the second time that is.
Can you please give me some advice? Am I playing my cards right? I obviously still love him. But I need him to run after me and prove to me that he’s fully committed. I refuse to initiate the idea of getting back together in fear of the rejection again. It needs to come from him. Is this going to work?
Many thanks in advance!
Looking forward to your reply
Lisa Redfield says
Rose,
As you saw for yourself, the no contact works with him, because that’s when he understands that he doesn’t want to lose you.
On the other hand, something is stopping him from trying to get back with you, and he has no intention, at this point, to commit to a relationship with you.
I think that no matter the outcome, a real no contact (of at least 2 months) is the best idea for you. He will be forced to make a decision about his intentions for you, and he decides that he is not interested, you will have a chance to move on, to see that you have a life without him and that not everything is over i your life (though is falsely seems like that when we are heart-broken).
Try to move on. Focus on you. Reconnect with yourself, your self worth, your confidence. When you really do, you’ll be the most attractive person you can be – Either for him or for another guy – Maybe a better guy for you – That’s waiting around the corner.
Rose says
Hi Lisa,
It has been a month since I last posted asking for adivce on what to do with my current situation. I just wanted to update you on what has been going on. The last thing I told him was I am no longer interested in staying friends and don’t want to talk anymore. Since then he has tried to message a number of times. Mostly just asking how I am. And I have not replied to a single one of those messages. Is this what contitutes as the No Contact Rule? Do I continue to ignore him? You told me to go NC for 2 months. What happens after the second month finishes? Do I start to respond to these messages even though he’s not directly telling me he’s ready to commit in any way?
Lisa Redfield says
Rose,
Yes, no contact means no contact, but you don’t have to ignore him. You can write him back, telling him again that you prefer not to be in contact at this point.
After the second month finishes than yes, you can start answering his messages, even if he is not asking for commitment. By then he’ll have enough time to figure out what he wants, but he probably won’t tell it to you over text or something. You got to give him a chance, gradually.
Remember, this is not science, and there are no rigid rules, you have to listen to your inner voice (after filtering it out of fears of course) and do what you think is right in every situation.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Emily says
Hello
I’m Emily. Broke up with my long distance bf two days ago. The reason for the separation was that his parents would never accept me as his wife.
A year back this guy gave me enough confidence and was very positive that he would still marry me even if his parents disagree. His parents don’t know about me yet and he is still an engineering student. I tried lots to make him positive and told him we don’t know what will happen in the future. I tried hard to make him stay but he just left.
I actually don’t think his parents is the only reason he left me. I observed few months ago before our break up that he seemed distracted and less invested in our relationship. It’s not that he had been cheating on me but I think he got bored with this relationship and wanted his single life back, I could be wrong though.
After our break up he is keeping on sending me texts almost everyday asking how I was feeling and what I was doing. I replied once then stopped contacting him at all. I want him back but dunno if that’s even possible. Even if he misses me he wouldn’t tell because he is not much expressive and keep things to himself. Please tell me what to do?
Lisa Redfield says
Emily,
I think your intuition is right, and his parents are not the sole reason for the breakup.
I think that if you already started with no-contact, maybe you should consider the 60-day no contact and see how that works?
Here’s my post about how to do it, I hope it helps:
https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/
Emily says
The thing is he is texting me everyday. If I don’t reply he would get worried and send me another text. I just don’t want to talk to him. Should I avoid his texts or should I reply?
Lisa Redfield says
I don’t think you should not reply. I think that if you decide to so this, you’ll have to let him know it’s what you are doing. Otherwise obviously he won’t understand what’s going on.
Emily says
When he broke up with me he asked if I would cut every contact with him or would still continue to be a friend. I was unsure of what to do so I told him I needed some time. Then he texted the next day to which I replied normally. But on the 2nd day when he texted I totally ignored him because I felt it was the right thing for me to do. I’m planning to do NC on him but I don’t if it will work. And thanks for replying me.
Annie says
Hi,
About a year ago I met this great guy at work. We chatted and slowly got to know each other at work after 5 months, I eventually admitted I liked him to a coworker and she immediately confirmed that he liked me back. We flirted for a couple days. I was away for a week and when I came back to work he had a new gf -someone from his past. I was hurt because I had just found out he was also interested in me.
We stayed friends at work and hung out during lunch sometimes. I developed a major crush on him. During the summer he left work, and I messaged him to see if we could stay in contact as friends or more if he wanted (I wasn’t sure if he still had a gf or not, turns out he did).
For 2 months we kept it friendly. Finally he sent me a message telling me things with his gf were not going so well. A few weeks later he said he was interested in me if I was still interested in him! We started texting all the time and made plans to have lunch. His job got in the way and lunch was cancelled. He was hired back on at my work shortly after. We made plans to meet for our first “date” within the week and I was seeing him around work all the time.
That week He slowly started ignoring my texts. When I asked if he changed his mind he ignored me. I was so hurt and confused by his actions. He finally told me that he didn’t want to date at work and sorry but he wasn’t interested. I sent an embarrassing emotional message which he ignored.
It’s been 2 months and although we see each other a few times a week at work we usually ignore each other sometimes we say hi. I still have feelings for him and miss talking to him. I’ve tried dating other guys but I feel guilty because he is still on my mind. Any suggestions?
Lisa Redfield says
Annie,
It seems like he decided to not give your relationship a chance, for who knows which reasons.
Obviously it’s hard for you to move on because you see at work every day. If you didn’t, I’m sure it would have been much easier for you.
If it’s not working out, maybe he is not the guy for you? My best suggestion is to try and move on, date other guys and lose the guilt feelings. You only have feelings for him still because you never got a chance with him, and in your mind you’ve built a great future together, that has nothing to do with reality.
I hope this helps and remember – Everything happens for a reason. And the reason is for your own good.
Anne says
so my boyfriend of 2.5 years dumped me through text while I was sleeping. When I asked him why he did it like that he admitted that e panicked and didn’t know what to do.
Anyway it’s because we didn’t see each other enough. He says it was hard seeing me once a week. And I told him he should have just told me instead of ending things because I would have fixed it. We work opposite shifts so it was hard.
Now he doesn’t want to talk to me. Keeps telling me to stop calling/texting. Telling me to move on.
I asked him why he’ all of a sudden hates me, he said he doesn’t he just thinks he has to be strict or I’ll never move on.
I hear from friends that he says this sucks and that he doesn’t want to look for a girl for a while but he just got tired of him wanting to go out and me not.
I know he is very stubborn when he chooses to do something.
I also think he still loves me even if he claims his feelings aren’t as strong as they used to be.
I’m trying so hard to not text him or contact him anymore but I really want him back.
Lisa Redfield says
Anne,
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I think you’re right and he still loves you, but for now he has decided to move on from you, and the worst thing to do is to argue or fight him over this. It will just strengthen his decision.
I think that in this case I would try the 60-day (or 30) no contact rule. Here’s my post about it and I hope it helps: https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/
Bethany Wilson says
Hi there. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, living together. Starting this past month, we have to deal with long distance for a year due to college and military. One day he says he’s not sure if we’ll make it as a couple or if he even wants me anymore and then the next day after he’s out of a funk, he says he’s 100% sure we’ll be together forever. I can’t deal with the inconsistency. I know he’s not afraid of losing me…he tells me he’s sure we’ll stay together because if he’s put up with me this long then he’ll probably stay. I am the only one who sends sweet texts, pictures, relationship stuff emails, pretty much anything….even when I don’t send those for a while, I still get nothing back. Is there even a possibility to get him to be afraid of losing me or even stop being wishy-washy about staying? Thanks…
Lisa Redfield says
Bethany,
If you want to make him scared of losing you, you’ll have to work on your self esteem and more importantly – Loving yourself. I believe that other people can sense how much we love and appreciate ourselves and give us the same “amount” of love back.
From the things you’ve written I’m sensing that you don’t really appreciate yourself, it’s a problem many of us have, nothing abnormal about it, but you should know he can sense it, without even being aware of it.
So the secret to making him appreciate you is to appreciate yourself.
Focus on yourself for a while. Live in the now and not in fear of an imagined future. Remind yourself why you’re perfect, do things that make you feel good and make you feel happy.
There’s nothing more attractive than a woman that really loves herself. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, and it’s true.
Bethany Knudsen says
Unique Situation! So I obviously want my ex back unlike anything else. But separate is not that separate for us. I am just moving out so that will give space but we own two businesses together. So we will talk almost daily and have to work together. Any suggestions on how to adjust the plan to fit my situation would be so greatly appreciated!!
Lisa Redfield says
Bethany,
I think that my advice as for how to act around him (first part of the post) applies in your unique situation as well.
I would try to focus on healing right now, and becoming the happiest version you can be (really. from the inside) not only for yourself but because the most attractive people are those who love themselves, appreciate themselbes and are truly happy,
This way he’ll get a chance to see what he is missing and why he made this huge mistake.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Aria says
Hi ,
Me and My boyfriend been together for 2.5 year been living together since second date. Im 22 and he 49 right now. We were always a perfect match I’m mature and nothing like most people at the age of 22. We clicked and could not go a day without seeing each other. At the time he had suffered with depression. But 6 months into relationship he gave up tablets and gone back to being him with up and downs. Due to the fact we had a lot going wrong way in our lives ( nothing wrong with us together just work,friend familly issue, money) we couldnt allow our self to enjoy fully our social live. We were limitted that way but still had a great laugh, fun and love. We been so close together! On thursday last week he told me he love me but we cannot carry on like that and that he is not happy . He told me I’m the best girlfriend he ever had but something is wrong because he is not happy. He started crying hard and that is not like him. I Know that one of the reasons is the fact that I was always around for more then 2 years we not spend day or night apart. He said he dont want me anymore that he dont know if he gonna miss me.
I know that I was too much , always home waiting for him or going out with him. There was no argument between us that day be both cried and he gave me hug etc. On friday i decided to give him some space and spend nights at my mate house. He knew where i will be etc. As we are still living together he was coming home every afternoon and he is cooking tea for us as always he plays music he dance and we laugh a lot a try to put a happy face on and not to cry etc after all problem is I was clingy etc. He keep coming up to me and touching me , my hand etc , nothing big but its a lot for him as he doesn’t give affection just like that. I started going out with mates every afternoon just to keep myself busy .
Since then he texting me every afternoon and fishing for information as to where I am and what plans I have . Its been more then week now and from a guy who is sorry to hurt me he changed in a guy who say things that he know will hurt me like You going out now and drinking, Maybe if you were drinking while we were togetehr it would be more fun?? It’s not like him to say things like that.
I had a talk with him and I said I love you but I cannot stay home and cry because I will not pick myself up again , I also said I belive in fate and if we meant to be we will be. He try to be cold about it now and say I’m happy now ! Well he doesn’t look.
My plan is to move out on end of this month and leave him on his own and hope he will miss me when am gone.
What do You think I should do ? Do You think there is a chance for us and he will think man i want her back ?
Thank You x
Victoria says
Hi, about 2 weeks ago my now ex-boyfriend broke up with me after 8 months. For the month prior to the break we were fighting and arguing a lot. Most of the arguments were about the same thing: I felt like he wasn’t respecting my time. I would ask him to hang out and have dinner with my family, and he would say that he’s be coming over (I’d tell my parents to cook for 5 instead of 4), but he’d cancel. He’s been really sick for the past month and on different medications and he would tell me that he wasn’t feeling well or he couldn’t hang out because he had other things to do. He’d do that a couple times in a row. I would look forward to seeing him because I just got home from a family vacation and he would just cancel on me. A couple days prior to the breakup we went to dinner and everything was fine. It was the first time in awhile that we didn’t fight about anything and I thought that things were going to get better. I knew he was stressed a lot. His online class was giving him a lot of trouble and his grandparents were in and out of the hospital. I messed up and said a bunch of things that I didn’t mean and deeply regret now. I did question why he couldn’t hang out with me. He took that as I didn’t trust him and that was the final argument we had, a few sentences later he broke up with me over Facebook. That’s where we did all our talking because he was so far away and I don’t have a phone right now. I wish he did it in person. A few days after he brought me my things that I left in his truck and oddly enough I felt better after we talked. We agreed that it would only be a temporary break and that we needed some time apart. I went away for a week to visit my friend and when I came back I broke the n contact rule and pretty much broke every rule because I couldn’t emotionally handle not talking to him. He was my first everything. I thought I found true love at 20 and I wanted him back. I asked him if we could sit and talk things over when I got back and he said that it’s probably best if the break was permanent. Which broke my heart even more than him wanting to be single. I started going out with a couple other guys to try to get over him and one of them tried to take advantage of me and that made me miss my ex even more. I’m at a loss of what to do. He and I both made mistakes and I realise which ones were mine and all I want is to make everything better so that we can have a stronger relationship (if that ever happens). I’ve become more bitter than I was since the breakup. I don’t believe that true love exists and that it’s just in fairy tales. I want to change that, but every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended badly and I find I can’t remain optimistic any longer. I just want help.
Lisa Redfield says
Victoria,
I’m sorry you are going through this. I know that you’re heart is broken and right now and it’s easy to decide that there is no true love out there and that everything is hopeless, but these are just thoughts, and they have nothing to do with reality.
The reality is that you’re only 20 years old, and your whole life is waiting for you, and that you’ll meet dozens of other guys and when you BELIEVE it – You will find the right guy for you.
You have problems letting go because you have decided, like you wrote, that “I found true love at 20” and it turned out not to be true.
Just let go of that thought and allow yourself to start from scratch. The past is dead, it’s time to start from scratch. Hopefully with more confidence and self esteem.
Hang in there and be positive, everything happens for a reason and for good reasons…
Lisa
dee says
hiloo,
me and my husband we have been marred for 6 year I always give in to his way and say sorry even when its not my flute just to get him to shut up he has been her tin me emotionally a lot and using secrets I trusted no one alas but him against me , I love him so much but he always calls me names makes me fill like shit and he even het me many times for the last 6 years I am the one who always try to pleas him make him happy attend to his wants and need and he doesn’t so any thing hardly but yet he say helovesme war been living like room mates and that all , in the last couple of days he has imparesd me infant for people called me a cunt and a useless bitch and now he is living in his room and locking him self down as it is my fault and its all my mistake I want to divors him but in the same time I love him but I still want to slap the shit out of him I heat the way he is being I have done nothing but support him all my life helped him pay for university new can get a job and what did he ever do for me any way pleas get back to me asap
thx
dee,
Lisa Redfield says
Dee,
Please, I’m begging you, do not live with a man that hits you. Anything else you’ve told me is nothing to compare with physical violence.
It’s o.k that you love him, but can you love YOURSELF enough to run away – far – as fast as you can?
Apurwa says
Hey.. i want an answer for my life.. actually i was in a relationship for a three and a half year.. i loved him a lot and still do.. he loved me too..but from few days he started ignoring me by saying that he has problems talking to me as i m irritating me by checking his phone.. but he is wrong some ways.. now he left me.. but i can’t forget him as i was not using his emotions.. what to do i don’t understand.. pls give my answer thorough mails.. if u can.. I’ll be highly grateful to u..
Lisa Redfield says
Apurwa,
I wish I could help more but I didn’t really understand what happened…he got mad at you because you snooped in his phone without permission? And what do you mean by “not using his emotions”?
Kate says
Dear Lisa,
I would be so grateful for your advice. About 10 months ago I met a guy while I was dating someone else. We became close friends and he eventually confessed to being in love with me. I resisted for quite a while, since I was in a relationship, but eventually broke up with my boyfriend to be with this guy. We were together for about 5 months (but were very very close before that, so although 5 months is not a long relationship, I do think it was more serious than 5 months makes it seem). We met each others families, were spending much of our free time together, etc.
However, I was reluctant to “officially” commit to the relationship. Primarily because it felt rushed after my previous relationship, and I didn’t think it was fair to commit to a new relationship so soon. He told me that this made him feel hurt and unwanted/insecure in the relationship, but I still did not commit.
Now he has broken up with me (six weeks ago) and eventually told me that he does not ever see us together (two weeks ago) because of the resentment that my lack of commitment caused. A few days after the breakup he started going on dates with other girls. During the period between him breaking up with me and then telling me he doesn’t see a future, he definitely let me to believe that he was working on “getting over” this resentment so that we could start over. He did not tell me about the other girls but is now “officially” dating one of them.
What should I do? Is there any hope for us in the future?
Thank you.
xoxo,
Kate
Lisa Redfield says
Hi Kate,
Unfortunately, I don’t think that his resentment (however real it may be) is the real reason for him breaking up with you.
I think that he has lost attraction for some reason and now is using it as an excuse. Most chances, he himself has no idea what happened and why he feels a need to date other girls.
However, I never believe there is no hope for the future, and I think that if I were you I would stay his friend, making him feels safe to confide in you (even about his current “official” date), and without asking him to get back together.
At the same time, use this time to focus on yourself and to allow yourself to have the space you obviously needed to have between one relationship and the next one.
I think that deep down, you has a reason to insist NOT to commit to him. Could it be that you’re not completely sure you want him? It’s something to think about.
If you are meant to be together, you will be. The universe will find a way to get you two back together, but try to be patient, calm, and believe that everything happens for the best (and for good reasons!)
I hope this helps and I wish you the best,
Lisa
Kate says
Hi Lisa,
I wrote to you a while ago (8/4/15). Your advice was so helpful to me, so I thought I would ask again.
My ex saw this new girl for about 8 weeks before they broke up. During the first half of that relationship, he and I were still talking and on good terms and during the second half (once I knew about it) we didn’t talk at all. As soon as they broke up, he started talking to me again. Throughout last fall we talked, hung out, and occasionally hooked up. He told me that his new relationship had just been a “reaction” to me. At first he said that he was still resentful over my lack of commitment. Now, after nearly 5 months of hanging out, he says he is over that but isn’t sure he feels “excited” about our future.
I am so conflicted over what to do and feel. He is not “excited” about our future, but continues to want to hang out with me and be physical. He bought me a very expensive Christmas present. I know that he is not actively trying to see other people. He says its “possible” he may be excited about us dating in the future but that it doesn’t “feel imminent or impending or anything.”
My instinct is probably that I should cut him out of my life. This is complicated a bit by the fact that we work together. But I think that by continuing to be friends and talk all the time and hang out, he is getting almost everything from me, so he has no motivation to change the situation.
Any of your thoughts would be so helpful!
xoxo,
Kate
Lisa Redfield says
Kate,
This time I don’t have much to add: I completely agree with you, and I think your intuition is right. Do as you feel, it’s the right thing.
Sehrish says
Hello Lisa.
I need an advice. I knew a guy since four months. We were in the same tuition classes. Tuitions got over and we didnt have any contact. But aftera month he contacted me and we started talking. We thought we are very similar and we had a strong bond in just 20 days. Idk if it was love or what but we really liked each other. I was expecting this to go on a further stage. We crossed all stages by then. Then we met. After meeting me 2 days later he started avoiding me. I complained but he said he is very busy with a few important work. I said i understand take your time. But it started happening everyday. We used to talk 24/7 but now we dont even message a hi. I dont know why isnt he talking to me. I am not forcing him i never did. I have an ego problem and i dont start a conversation. The last we spoke was 3 days ago that too very formally. He is with me on social network and views my updates and even likes it. I want him to become like he was. I want him to miss me and go crazy after me. Maybe after meeting me he didnt like something? Idk. Please help
Lisa Redfield says
Well, it does seem that something has changed after you’ve met. It has nothing to do with whether he dodn’t like something, it has to do with what he can handle right now.
I’m sure you are perfect and you’ve made no mistakes, but something about this connection seems to bother him right now.
I would take a distance and not beg him to talk to you or get back to how he was. Just let him be and focus on building your confidence and knowing your worth. He will feel it from afar and hopefully get over his issues and start talking to you again.
jana says
Hi Lisa,
Thank you so much for your articles. My situation is long, but I won’t go into every detail. Basically I am 32 and I moved to Europe to be with my now ex. Things were wonderful when things were good, but whenever we would fight it was usually about him getting upset that my feelings had been hurt about something he said, or him twisting my words from innocent to negative. Which was difficult, but I love him and would still put up with it.
Anyway about 2 weeks ago he decided I was too negative and had ‘enough bad qualities’ that he couldn’t see me as marriage material and broke up with me. At the time I pleaded with him to give me another chance, that I would pursue more outside of the relationship and seek therapy, but he was firm. Since then I have been no contact, but about 6 days in he was trying to contact me all day through texts and calling me, asking how I’m doing and begging me to answer. He even messaged my roommate. Finally at the end of the day I just wanted to be polite and told him that I got his messages, I’m fine thank you. Which turned into asking about exchanging our things. I said for now, it’s probably better for my roommate to help sort all that for us. He agreed but then said he just wanted to let me know he’s de friending me on Facebook to help him move on. Which totally took me off guard. He has never defriended his other exes. Haven’t heard anything from him now since. Does this mean it’s pointless trying to get him back?
Lisa Redfield says
Jana,
No, I don’t think it’s pointless to try to get him back, I would try doing the full 60-day no contact (as detailed here: https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/) and only then decide what to do next.
I hope this helps and hang in there, everything happens for the best. I really believe that and my life has proven it to me time and time again.
Jana says
Thanks Lisa,
I actually just received a very long email from him this morning, with him listing numerous situations where he was angry and asking me if all of my ‘stupid drama’ was worth it, all the good things we had and also told me that if I hadn’t sarcastically responded to him during the breakup when he said it was hard for him to do, I said ‘I doubt that’ (because I felt he was giving up so fast), he would have given me a second chance. I feel like he is messing with my head. I’ve decided not to respond because of no contact but feel terrible not saying anything because I know he is just emotional.
Lisa Redfield says
Jana,
Now it’s even more clear to me that he is not sure about this breakup and that he still loves you.
You can answer his email, in a “cool” way – Meaning no drama, accusations or pleading.
I would write back that I’m happy to receive his email and that I’m taking his words into consideration and thinking about things, and that you respect his point of view and really thinking about it.
That’s all. No talk about what’s next, the future etc.
Tres says
I just got back together with my boyfriend that I was in a long distance relationship with. But he was being very distant and detached although still telling me he loved me. Then I asked him if it was a possibility that he would ever get back with his baby’s mom and he said yes it is a possibility. She’s in the town that he’s in and I’m not. Anyway he wouldn’t say that we’d be together in the future like we used to talk about. I asked him and He couldn’t promise me that now . So I got upset although I kept it together when I talked to him last. Anyway he would never reassure me that I didn’t have anything to worry about with her . We had that talk on the last conversation and then I cut off contact for a few days. He never even tried to contact me . It really hurts because he says how much he loves me and how beautiful I am inside and out but I don’t want to be a backup plan . So I sent him a text saying obvious that you want to try to work things out with her and that I’m not going to be a backup plan and that I’m not going to do that right now but I also lied and said I was starting to date someone else that I had put on hold for him because I thought we were going to try to work things out . So long story short I told him nicely just please don’t contact me ever again and that I’m with someone new and that I wish him the best . Now I regret that text because I do want to hear from him but I can’t stand all this wishywashi-ness. I don’t know what I should do.Should I just leave it be and let him go or what can I say to him to retract what I’ve said so that in the future I can leave it open for him to contact me ? I’m so confused help
anisah says
My Situation Is Quite Different Though But Here Goes. . . So Me And This Guy Has Been 2ghtr For 7Months Thing Is . . He Was Interested in me for a long time before we actually started dating but i wasn’t interested in him because he was a player and always had another girl every week and i jus came out of a 3yr relationship so i wasn’t ready 2deal with another relationship where the man is still playing, entertaining other girls and cant be with just one girl. So We Just Talked For Months I Explained 2Him what i went through and he told me why he became a player etc anyway long story short summer along the line i caught feelings and i agreed to a relationship in terms of the cause because i wasn’t putting myself out there 2get hurt again. In The Beginning, It Was Perfect He Made Me Feel like i was the only person that really mattered ‘That Lock each other in and everyone out’ kind of thing going for a while because he was scared im going 2hurt him a lot of guys was chasing me back then i guess it made him insecure but i secured it i made sure that he knew i wasnt going anywhere. . .anyway so the honeymoon period is over now and things are just all over the place i feel like im losing him and dat his turning into the guy i didn’t want 2b with from the start . . . I’ve talked 2him about how i feel and how is actions make me feel and he agrees 2do wot i want him to only problem is he doesn’t do it he just keeps doing wot he wants and i mus b the better person and forgive every time and let things slide cause i don’t want 2loose him i really love him and i do believe he loves me . i have broken up with him because i want him 2change an i want him 2regret losing me and hurting me i want him 2make me feel wanted again but i think i made a mistake by breaking up wid him because now his jus ignoring me and doing his own thing still i know i can get him back that’s not the problem its the version of him i want 2change is that weird?
Lisa Redfield says
Anisah,
I think that considering the circumstances, you’ve made the right decision to break up with him. It wasn’t a mistake.
It’s very hard and often impossible to change someone else. In order to change, HE needs to want to change and from what you’ve told me here, he hasn’t and doesn’t want to.
I know you love him, and I’m sure he loves you, but sometimes love is not enough to keep a relationship.
If you really love him, you wouldn’t want to change him. That’s the person, that’s who he is and the best he can be at this point. The only thing to decide is whether you accept him the way he is or not.
And if not, the smart decision would be to move on.
This is just my opinion and I’m no expert, I hope it helps you though.
I wish you all the best,
Lisa
Alayna says
Hello, my story is very different. Its like i met a guy and we became really good friends in a vet short period of time. Like in about 15 days we got super attached and talk for hours and hours. Slowly we crossed every stage. We really liked each other. But i told him that i don’t date because of the mess that is created and i don’t want to face breakups. So we were unofficially dating but didn’t accept it. Now it’s been one month and i feel he is too busy and avoiding me. I can’t complain because i am just a friend officially. But i got really attached to this person. He won my heart by his personality. Now i know he likes me back but he’s just too busy and i am not his priority anymore. What should i do to make him miss me and go crazy for me?
Lisa Redfield says
Alayna,
If I get it right, you now want to become his girlfriend and date him officially?
I think that you have to make this decision with yourself before you do anything else…
If I were you I would not pressure him to meet me and spend more time with me. If you want him to miss you he’ll have to not see you to allow that, right?
He has to get a chance to really miss you and see what he has to lose and to achieve that you may need to take some distance from him and not show any neediness.
I know it’s harder to say than do, but to me, it seems the smart choice.
I hope this helps and good luck!
girl says
Some days ago my would-be husband told me that I can’t make My mind to accept that my wife (that’s me) said I love you to someone else ( my ex) so it’s better to end this relationship here. I cried a lot and tell him that my family knows everything about our relationship and I was only 17 or 18 years old then.it’s just a mistake of young age. but he said sorry.
thing is that he found this himself. i didn’t tell him about my past.CZ it was a childish emotion.
but he calls me and texts me after a break-up. and says that I love you but I am confused about you.I can’t even think that you said I love u to someone else.
now please tell me what should I do? Please help me. Because I can’t accept this breakup. He is my manager. How can I face him? How can I work with him…Please help me. I can’t handle myself.
Lisa Redfield says
I think that it sounds really weird that something like this would bother him, it sounds a bit childish. After all we all have our past.
I think that he is probably regreting his decision as we “speak” and if you keep cool and don’t beg to get back with him, he will ask you to get back together soon.
Just be strong and stay cool when you see him, I think this will blow over soon enough.
I should warn you though that it sounds borderline controlling to me. Has he shown any other signs of controlling? This could be a red flag and should not be ignored.
I hope this helps and hang in there, everything happens for the best.
Lisa
girl says
Thanx Lisa ..your words helps me a lot.
yesterday he said to me that he want to fix everything.he want to marry me. But again he said that why I didn’t tell him about my past. Why I hide everything. I said that I was very Young that time. Those things is not valuable to me. then he again behave very normal and said I love you.
I know we love each other.but is it possible to get back him like before?
Lisa Redfield says
Ali,
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know, it’s hard.
It seems to me that right now you don’t have a lot of options. He is far away. But, worrying about what will happen and living in fear is the wrong way to handle it.
Try to work on your self esteem and confidence – KNOW that if you were meant to be, you’ll get back together some day – When the time is right.
There’s another option you haven’t thought about: What if the distance will allow him to miss you, and realize what he has gave up? What if it gives him perspective and aloow him some space to think and see how much he loves you?
Try to concentrate on that and believe in it, while living your life and focusing on yourself and moving on.
I know it seems hard, but I believe it’s the right thing to do. Everything happens for a reason, and it happens for the best – Even if it’s hard for you to see it now.
Hang in there, everything will be alright.
Ali says
I need some advice. My boyfriend of 3.5 years just broke up with me, and I’m devastated. It was like a 3-week process. He’s said he’s just so confused because he’s not ready to propose (which is fine, I’ve told him that many times) and because he’s scared of the future. He doesn’t know what career path he wants. He doesn’t know what his future holds so he’s worried to commit because if he doesn’t know what his future job or lifestyle looks like, how does he know what he needs in a partner (stupid right?). He kept rethinking things and he would sob every time we talked. He even started taking me out on dates, would be physical with me, and say things like “how could I ever say goodbye to you?” or make jokes about us getting back together. He says he loves me, I’m his best friend, he respects me so much, I have no issues that bother him, I’m so beautiful, and he knows he has an issue with giving up instead of working through things because he has an unquenchable desire for the next best thing. He says he knows if he commits to me, he will be happy and it will work, but because he’s so confused, he’s not sure he should right now. So, we should both just move on. Then he resigned from his job near me (Ohio) and is moving TO ASIA for a 6-month internship. I’m seriously depressed. I don’t understand how if you love someone, how you could leave like that. I feel trapped here without him and worried I’ll never see him again. I feel like he’s relieved he doesn’t have to think about it anymore and will move on so fast, especially since he won’t be seeing me at all. There’s another intern there who’s really pretty, and I’m terrified working so closely with her and traveling with her every day, he’s just going to move on super fast while I’m not even close. Especially if she’s new and exciting and a fresh start. He wants to stay in contact since he still loves me, but I’m terrified to do that and lose him all over again once he’s truly gone. I don’t mind trying the any contact rule, but how do I even begin this process, if he lives so far away from me now? I don’t just want him back because I’m heartbroken, but I truly know we’re perfect for each other. I’m just afraid he ruined it all for good.
Nea says
Please help. Please.
Hello, I’m desperately in need of some help & advice. This situation is gonna be different from everyone. I had a friend with benefits & he’s going to the same college as me (both incoming freshmen). Well he took my virginity.. I developed feelings for him & he didn’t. Lately, we have been arguing a LOT. So he met a new friend & after weeks or having questions unanswered, i finally found out from him that he likes the other girl. She’s still in high school though. He told me that me & wouldn’t “work” because I don’t understand what he says & I take things the wrong way.. I really like this dude & I also enjoyed the sex.. I want him to see potential in me & actually give me a chance.. So how can I get him to like me? How can I get him to want me? But want more than sex? 🙁
Lisa Redfield says
Nea,
first of all, I would stop have having sex with him and ask him to be only friends. At this point, the more you pressure him to feel something that he doesn’t right now (or not aware that he is yet), the more you’ll push him away.
Here’s a post that may help you in your situation right now, I really hope it does:
https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/make-him-fall-in-love/
Good luck!
Alisha Paul says
Hey 🙂
Things in my and my boyfriends’ relationship were going great until summer break started, we both never got the time for each other and he was always busy. But whenever he did have time we would always argue about how busy he is.
One day, he texted me telling me he can’t deal with hurting me anymore and that we should break up. Although I did beg and plead with him not to leave me, I did text him later on telling him I was okay with the breakup and I apologized on my behalf. Since then I have not texted or called him, I’ve basically been doing the ‘no contact’ method. He hasn’t reached out to me either.
I’m not going to see him till next month, I’m worried he might move on. It’s been nearly a month till our break up and I miss him like crazy, I don’t understand what happened so suddenly. What should I do? And what tactics do I use to get back together with him?
He also claims that he never gets back together with his ex-girlfriends. I’m worried he won’t get back together with me either. Please help.
Lisa Redfield says
Alisha,
First of all, good job with texting him that you’re o.k with the break up. You made a wise decision.
I think that no contact is a good idea, and you should keep doing it, even if he doesn’t contact you himself. But you should put the fear and worries aside and believe in your heart that the right thing will happen for you, no matter what it is.
Here’s my post about how to do the no contact thing the right way, I hope it helps, and good luck to you!:)
https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/
reem says
hello lisa,
i really need your advice
i was in relationship with this guy since 10 years
we are cousins but we only see each other durin vacations or occasions because he stays in a different city with his family
we had an issue 3 years back where he left me and rejected me because of some issues and i said bad things back to him for rejecting me infront of the families
and we weren’t in touch at all after that.
then after 3 months.. he came back and contacted me through some fake account and told me he wants me back and everything. i agreed and i got back with him
then we both convinced the families to get us engaged
he actually stood up for our relationship and we got engaged last year
but his anger was always the bad thing
he would say break up all the time and I would go beg him not to do that
and he would eventually listen to me. later he would say that he didn’t mean the breakup, it’s his anger that made him say that and he loves me a lot.
he always had this thing of flirting with other girls and i would always catch him red-handed through social media.
now one month ago. some situations happened and it wasn’t even a big thing. but he broke the engagement and he blocked me everywhere due to his anger.
i did a mistake by begging him for a week after that, but i stopped doing it and started the no contact rule after that. it’s 20 days now
but i don’t know why but he seems really happy! and its just one month since our break up! we were together for 10 years! i used to do his medical work, presentations and every assignment for him. i used to praise him all the time and make him think that he is a king.
now when i see that he is living his life! flirting with girls and seeing girls! its killing me!
why does he look so happy when it’s not even a long time since we broke up! some people told me that the guys regret really late. but i feel as if 10 years didn’t matter to him at all!
how do i make him come back!
should i wait for 3 months like before and wait for him to contact me?
because i can’t contact him after no contact period as he blocked me everywhere
i just have his sisters on some of my social media.
what do i do to get him back
please help!
yeah he has a lot of ego issues so maybe he won’t contact me even if he wants to?
please reply! i really need some help out of this!
sayani says
hey,
my bf and I were in a relationship for 4 years.
and I caught him cheating with another girl for 2 months.
I was devastated.
and I was in such a mental condition, that I called his parents up and said everything.
I pleaded with him and asked him what went wrong in our relationship.
but he denied to tell me anything.
he said he wants a breakup. and his new GF called me up each day and abused me verbally.
I was trying to move on. but then his close friend called me up one day to say he loved me.
and he was mentally frustrated. so he did all these.
I replied to him as I would never accept him. but his friend continues to apologize.
meanwhile, my x-bf too sends me friend requests on Facebook… and calls me up the other day.
I don’t respond to him.
should I give him another chance?
Lisa Redfield says
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s horrible.
Unfortunately, I think that what happened is that he tried to make it work with the other girl and it hasn’t been working out the way he expected so he si trying to get back to you.
I think that if you give him another chance it can be only if he begs and chases you for a long time, to see that he is really serious and that he regrets what he has done.
I don’t know if I personally could trust him again after acting the way he did.
Maybe it’s time to move on? And nurture that thought that you deserve better?
Amber says
Hello,
A few days ago my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. He says that he doesn’t feel that spark and feels in his heart that it will never be. When he was breaking up with me, he was crying so hard – I know this is just as difficult for him as it is for me. Everything else was so incredibly perfect in the relationship and we were best friends.
We have been mostly long-distance (but driveable) but he is moving to my area in about 2 months. My issue is, he wants me to be friends with him. Even hang out one-on-one. But I feel like I can’t just be his friend because I am in love with him and it would kill me to see him with other women. This is also his first relationship, but he is sure that the absence of the spark will never work. The hard part for me is that towards the end, I started to feel that spark. Please help me…should I just move on or try to see if I can spark something over the summer?
Lisa Redfield says
Amber,
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I think that your situation is the perfect “scenario” for the 60 day no contact rule. It’s exactly the 2 months that after them he’ll be back living next to you.
I would refuse to be his friend (without anger, just calm and rational) and start the no contact period.
I hope this helps and hang in there – Everything happens at the right time and for the best reasons. Trust your life process and know that everything will turn out for the best.
Lisa
Noel says
I been together with my man for 10 years. I got proposed on January 1, 2013. We had a great life until September 2014. He decided that it was a great opportunity to move to California for a better life for us and our two kids. At first, I was scared because we never been separated ever since we started. But I wanted to give it a try because I thought my family will benefit from it. He wanted to go first then me and the girls after. So he left to California in September. When he went he stood with his cousin. After the first month, he didn’t find a job. I keep telling him to hang on that something will come up. I was working enough hours to pay my bills and thought it was going to be fine. Months passed and he didn’t find anything. I was getting concerned because now I was paying all the bills. We argued constantly and it got worse. He refused to come back home because his pride was bigger than failure. We started to talk less and our video chats went down to 5 mins. November came and I thought he was going to send for us. But he didn’t. In February I went to visit him because I wasn’t sure what was going on. My week vacation with him was great but I felt something was different. The way he dressed, acted, even the way he cut his hair. I tried to talk to him many times but his friends or cousin will always be around. He told me he loved me very much. And I was happy because he was showing me the neighborhood I was going to live with him. I’m vacation was done and I was back home. We didn’t argue for 3 weeks everything was great. Suddenly we started to argue for no reason. He would ignore my calls and texts. I would get mad to the point where I would say mean things. In March it got worst. I would find myself apologizing for things I knew I didn’t do. I felt guilty. We have kids together and I felt he wasn’t spending time on the phone with them. His attitude change towards us. And he kept telling me he needed space. But I couldn’t figure it out cuz he had space since September. On April 1, he sends me a text saying that he feels we should move on because he doesn’t feel the same way towards me. I was in shocked! I cried for days and he wouldn’t return my texts or calls. I started to feel maybe he found someone new. And he was scared to tell me. Today is April 8, 2015 and I’m still trying to get him to tell me why. I told him that we been together for 10 years with 2 kids. What if he tells me the truth then I can move on. Even though I know I can’t. Please any advice will help!
Lisa Redfield says
Noel,
If you didn’t have kids, I would suggest you never call him again in your life. But, you do.
I think you should write him an email telling him how this makes you feel, without accusations and anger though (I know it sounds very hard to do, but it’s the smart thing to do).
I would tell him that you think that separating is a good idea (even if you don’t) and that you’re fine with it, but you want to make sure your children are not hurt by his decision.
Ask him how and when he wants to see his kids, and that they miss him. If you don’t beg and plead to get back with him, he won’t be “afraid” to talk to you. Right now he is trying to escape the “drama” and avoids reality. He won’t be able to go on with that for long.
The more calm, cool, and collected you’ll be about this, the more he’ll understand what he stands to lose if he really does this. And the other way too – The more you beg and plead and seem desperate and depressed, the more he’ll be convinced he has done the right thing.
I hope this helps and hang in there,
Lisa
Courtney says
I know. You are going to think I’m crazy, (im almost 14) but this guy named Parker and I really liked each other since the beginning of school. A couple of months later, he lied to me and said he didn’t like me anymore and I was so sad. Then he said a month later he lied and then he said I love you. Then a couple of weeks later I asked him if he still liked me and he told me yes. I was so happy. Then at lunch, he told me we weren’t gonna work out. My heart ripped in half and then he said that I was constantly making him sad and I was so hurt that I was hurting him. Today I asked him if he liked me and he said yes. Then during English he said that he needed to talk to me after school and I was so nervous and he said before school ended that I just needed to ask “do you like me” he said that it was about time he said no. I was so hurt but didn’t show it. Then school ended and he looked right at me, pulled me aside, and said “will you please say it?” And I knew exactly what he meant and I really didn’t want to hear it but I asked it. He paused…not looking at me and said no. Then I said okay. And walked away completely crushed and he showed no sign of hurt. I’m really sad right now. What should I do cuz I really wanna text him and I have every class with him (sadly/luckily) and IDK what to do or say. I’m sorry, I’m only 13 but I still need help. Please, can I have some advice?
Lisa Redfield says
Courtney,
I think that the first you should do is stop telling him that you like him and ask him if he likes you…
That’s not really the important thing right now, right?
I think that he can sense that you feel a bit insecure or not so self-confident and unknowingly this drives him away from you.
I would completely ignore him at this point, just say a polite hello when you see him and focus on your friends, your life, and school.
When he sees that you don’t need him anymore and that if you are happy whether he likes you or not, I’ll bet he’ll try to get your attention again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Dianne says
Hello Lisa,
My story is that I met my dream man and we stayed together for nearly a year. We broke up because he said he wasn’t ready to give more to our relationship and thought that perhaps I could find someone else and didn’t want to keep me from that. He wanted to remain friends and that we have, which led to more of course. Now I’m at a dead end. We still see each other like once a week, but I need to muster the strength to no longer have constant contact with him because I think I’ll just end up getting hurt. He is a few years older than me and claims that my age worries him. I know he had been on a few dates and so have I, but I can’t seem to quit this man. I don’t know what to do because his signals are so confusing. I guess I just want to make him regret it and perhaps come back one day, even if it’s too late for him. Is this possible?
Thanks
D
Lisa Redfield says
Diane,
I think that from what you’re describing, he has given you a lot of excuses about not committing to a relationship with you, none of them are true.
Right now, though, since you allow him to still see you but with no commitment on his side, he has no “motivation” to ever change this status between you two.
I think that if you want him to truly regret leaving you, and understand what he stands to lose, you may need to actually let him miss you.
I would try, in your case, the 60-day no contact rule. Either way, you’ll benefit from it – He may realize that he wants to be with you, really, or you’ll see that he doesn’t – Which can set you free from him.
Courtney says
Hello,
My ex and I just broke up a week ago. We had been dating for almost nine months and I had fallen head over heels for him, and I still am. Everything had been going great at the beginning of our relationship. Until we both had to leave for school. He had made me a CD so I could play it and always think of him. I had made him these letters to open at certain times. It was hard at first but, we got through it and everything seemed great. Then the winter hit and we kept getting into argument after argument. After every one he would want to take a break and I couldn’t keep him in a relationship he didn’t want to be in. But then after a day or two, I would wind up calling him or texting him and seeing how he would be doing and we would be back together. He would always say that he didn’t want to be with anyone else. That he couldn’t possibly imagine it. He said these things a week before he broke up with me. I hadn’t been in a good mood for a day or two and then I tried explaining to him what was wrong but, he always would say that things were my fault and that I was in the wrong. He told me that he had fallen out of love with me. After four days, I texted him thinking that everything would be okay and we’d be back together, but it just didn’t work that way. I asked him to talk to me so I could have closure after two weeks and he told me that he didn’t want me to think he was leading me on. After he told me that, I told him to have a nice life. Now I have no idea what to do because I absolutely love him. I would do anything to have us back together. Please help me figure things out.
Lisa Redfield says
Courtney,
I think that he hasn’t really fallen out of love with you. But, long distance relationships are extremely difficult to keep, and they make a small argument seem like the entire relationship is hopless.
You can’t look into his eyes, he can’t hug you, a whole communication “dimension” is missing and it’s very hard to cope with this.
I think he just took the lazy way out, because it requires hard work, understanding and self confidence to stay in a LDR.
I think that if you were meant to be, you will find your way back to each other, but this time I wouldn’t try to contact him through text or phone and try to move on with my life, as hard as it may seem to you.
Consider trying the 60-day no contact rule, which may work wonderfully in your situation. Here’s how to do it (and why) – I hope it helps:
https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/60-day-no-contact-rule/
Nicole says
I am in a LDR and he ended it. He says he really cares about me but doesn’t see it working our girls fight. I just don’t understand I think he has feelings more than he’s willing to admit.
Lindsey says
hey,
So I was dating this guy I was Crazy about. Still am (clearly). But I had a moment of weakness and this other guy was telling me all sorts of lies and I believed that other guy… And ended up sleeping with him. But I told my boyfriend after I denied it for a few days. He is really pissed I lied and I’m so mad at myself for doing it. That’s not who I am and I made a mistake. He says he wants to be friends and build trust again. But he sends mixed signals saying that he hates not talking to me all day. He broke his leg and so I asked if there was anything to do. He replied with “a message? You’re the best at it
Lisa Redfield says
Lindsey,
I think that although he is probably still mad at you, he doesn’t really want to break up with you, and with a little effore you can get back with him.
Just make sure to not mess up again like that…:)
Good luck!
mitch says
Did it work out between the two of you
Kristen says
My situation is a bit different than most you have probably felt, but let me start at the beginning. I met Nick my junior year during a choir competition and knew that I wanted to get to know him. After maybe a month we were talking on the trip to New York when I ended up sitting with him. On the trip there (16 hours) we talked for a while and eventually, I fell asleep on his shoulder. Throughout the trip, we had both began to really like each other so much that he would hold my hand while we sat together and didn’t mind me spending my time with my friends while he did the same. On the way back home I woke up to him laying on me and when he woke up and looked at me I kissed him, which is a big deal for me because I’m very shy with new people and don’t usually make my move first. After a week when we got back I was overthinking and decided I didn’t want to date although I was just scared and slightly hurt him in the process. Three months later I called him after his best friend had been acting weird thinking that Nick may know what was going on. Since then we talked all the time. When school started again and we found out we had a class together we would text and Snapchat every day all day. Later I realized that I liked him so much that I had to tell him. When I did he told me that he didn’t think he could date me at the time and told me that I was his best friend and that he didn’t want that to change. (2 weeks before this he had made out with me as well as he would hug me every day, lay next to me when watching movies, and be around me whenever we were in the same room.) After a week other people were getting involved telling lies so awful that Nick would get mad and I would be crying almost daily. Within two more months, he hardly spoke to me. On Christmas, I got him a nice jacket and he had his friends over and his friend Logan’s girlfriend Kelsey (my ex best friend) and only acknowledged me to say thank you. I still feel like before the friends became involved there was still something, but I don’t know how to get him back as a best friend or even more. Could you please give your honest opinion on if I even have a chance to get him back and if so how would I? Thank you.
Lisa Redfield says
Kristen,
I think that the main “problem” with what you’re doing is basically trying too hard.
You have told him you liked him, you bought him a present, this is enough.
The only chance you have in “getting him back” is to stay his friend, without asking him or expecting him for anything, and showing him you are well and you have a busy life and a busy social life.
Guys need the chase, the other way around usually doesn’t work, unfortunately.
Good luck!
Sarah Lund says
The very first thing, I’d like point out, is stop listening to what rumour-mongers tell you about him. They’re well and truly out to destroy your relationship. Whether they’re from the same friendship circle or not, they sound like trouble causes, so don’t tell them any more, about who your in a relationship with. Keep it between you and whoever is in the relationship with you. I’ll never understand people who are out to hurt people’s feelings like that. It’s uncalled for. Those people need therapy. They’re not nice to be around. Maybe you could stop all contact with them. I would. They want to make you miserable. In fact, tell them to their faces, because they deserve to know what horrible people they really are. Then walk away, and don’t give them the time of day. If they want to prove to you, how sorry they are for spreading cruel lies, tell me they’re going you have to earn your trust first, because you don’t appreciate being used like a doormat.
Tiffani says
Hi my fiance left me almost 2 months ago… To me, we were doing great… Of course right? It seemed impossible for us to be doing bad he was constantly sending me ideas for the wedding I had the dress he was about to be leaving for the Marines and I was supporting him all the way through. We had just completed our wedding registry a few weeks prior test drove a car all these happy moments and then all of a sudden he was gone… The day after he left he came back over said he just needed a break to work on himself and the marines and he said he still wanted to work things out and he was still talking about our future house and he said he loved me and asked me for a kiss before he left. He even told a mutual friend after the breakup he can see himself with me for the rest of his life. He agreed for dinner the next night he was genuinely excited about it and then he said he had to reschedule okay so we rescheduled he kept standing me up and did for a couple of weeks when I said what was going on he said he couldn’t see it working because I didn’t give him enough space we agreed to meet up in a few days and talk well his uncle died and we didn’t meet up so a few days after that we met up and he said it wasn’t because of the space thing he said it was because I let my stress out on him too much well he agreed to come over the next day and he said the stress thing really bothered him and he was scared to get hurt again.. Now let me say I know I am not the nicest person and I do let my stress out on him but not as bad as he makes it seem I had been very moody for about a month but never once have I been mean to him called him names I actually always complimented him at least a few times a day I made a point to because I love him so much I want to support him and make him feel great and be the person I know he can be. It just hurts cause I had helped him a lot financially and it’s not the loss of money that hurts it’s the fact that I feel like a free ride. He was constantly saying how the past is the past and people need to let go he even told me I deserve a second chance and the good times mean more to him than the bad times and I’ve let him get by with a lot and given him chances more than most would but I truly love him I have tried and tries to no avail to tell myself to let go and move on but that’s when I feel like I’m lying to myself. I need him to realize that nobody can love him or have patience for him like I still do. I sacrificed a lot to be with him and there were times where his job would stress him out for a couple of months and I just let it fall cause I knew he loved me. We didn’t talk for a while he said he would text me in a couple of weeks but never did well I wasn’t going to text him at all but I missed my period and his grandpa got sick who I’ve met and spent a lot of time with and I just needed to check up on him and tell him about me missing my period the talk went okay I took the test and it was negative I asked him if we were still meeting up in a couple of weeks and he said I don’t know it’s like he just completely shut me out 100% I’m not sure why though I mean I did everything for him and he did everything for me and he couldn’t even tell me a time I hurt him. The last time we talked on the phone he called me babe someone I haven’t seen or really talked to in almost 2 months called me babe then said it was out of habit. I have started a no contact with him and I know that after proposing to me just a few months ago and bragging to everyone about it he will eventually think hey I miss her or man I messed up I just need help trying to get him to miss me.
Ulap6 says
I honestly feel you. I am in the same situation and it’s making me crazy. I hope you’re ok. I feel like I need someone who I can talk to who can convince me to finally let go of my bf because my heart is so painful now. After all the disappointments and and hurts he had done to me I can’t believe I’m still the first one to pursue him and pleading and begging him. I know this isn’t what I deserve but it’s hard to convince myself. I keep blocking him but I always come back and he is not even chasing me. 🙁
AzChickHurting says
It sucks feeling so desperate! I know exactly what you’re going through. All I want to do is call him or text him. Yet, thankfully, I have been strong enough not to. Like, no one can give us an answer as to “why”. It just hurts like heck! I hope we make it through the pain.
Gina says
I feel you. Me and my guy friend whom he knows how much I like him clarified many times that we are only friends. We started of as friends with benefits but then he cut the benefits (sex) part. He has put me through a lot too, talking and hanging out with orher girls. I accepted it cause we are “friends”. I was there for him in every possible way he needed mw to be. After a while him rejecting me sexually I went with another guy. My friend found out about it and got mad, keeps ignoring me when I text or call. He’s the one that rejected me, I felt like his using me for his benefits and now he’s mad. He neglected my needs, emotions since I was always open and honest how I feel towards him. I just tried to take care of my needs and now he’s giving me the cold shoulder which makes me also think that he pretends just so I think he cares. It hurts cause it is very recent but I hope I’ll realize that he wasn’t all the great of a friend to me like I was to him.
Jimbob says
Hey guys can I ask for advice and ask how things are going for you now?
I was with a guy for a good few years, he fought for 4 months to be with me and we broke up earlier this year but got back together shortly after as he said he was really struggling and he took it out on me. It was rocky for a good few months and then I lost my sister in may, and everything turned around shortly after that. It was like we fell back in love, he was always talking about marriage and I just found out he was planning on proposing next year when he was going to take me to Rome. Yet 2 weeks after he left me and is with someone else :s this was almost 2 months ago, they’re together but we stupidly have sex like 3/4 times a week (I didn’t know he was with this other girl at first and I figured I had nothing to lose as I truly thought I didn’t want him back as I was constantly finding out huge lies he’s told over the years) But I want him to want me and I want him to fight for me again.. I don’t know if I’m just being selfish or what but I can’t stop thinking about the fact he was planning a proposal and he’s always finding excuses to talk/see me. But he’s always talking about how great his relationship is (even though he’s constantly cheating on her) and how happy his life is now when we do end up seeing each other :s
unknown says
Same thing is going on wit me. i desparately want my boyfriend back but he doesn’t seem much interested he keep telling me i have to move on. our problem was compatibility issues. he did not cheat on me, but he work away saying we are not life partners.
Me says
To all the people who shared their stories here… have you moved on? Did he come back to you? How long after? What happened next? I’m in a very similar situation here and it’s only the beginning of my grief from the break up so I want to know how it turned out for you all
Emmma207 says
Hi All, I have been seeing this guy on off for 5 months. We had incredibly chemistry and the sex was out of this world. He made air-kisses and kissed me like crazy when he left my flat. I dated another, once, in this period and he got jealous.
The he stopped it. Then got back to me and suggested to meet. I had plans so couldn’t. The it happened again. He said he had challenges with work etc. And said he had met another. After that he suggested to meet again , so he had dropped her. we agreed a date, and one day after that he again stopped it. I am really confused… I know he enjoys my company and loves the sex. We made dinners to each other in the period we met. I know he has some struggles at this point. Now it has been 2 days. I regullary met him at the gym. So I would like to ask him if it was my fault..as I wrote pretty much to him the last days befor he stopped it for 3 time. What should I do? I really want to see him again… I know he is not seeing someone else.
Dhlin says
How to handle a guy with high effing ego♀️