When I was young I asked my mother about how to understand men.

She told me that men are like placements. They only show up when there’s food on the table.

(Yes, that joke is that old).

But seriously, trying to figure out what makes men tick and how they think can literally give you a migraine.

They claim to simple creatures, but unlike women, they don’t tend to share what’s on their mind (even with their male friends).

Why didn’t he call me? What does he really want in a relationship? Why does he say “nothing” when I ask him what’s on his mind? Why isn’t he sensitive to my needs? Why does he stare at other women? Why does he take so much reading material to the bathroom?

The questions are endless.

How to Understand Men

There is no one simple technique to understand every thing a man does or says, but a few critical insights that will make understanding men a possible mission do exist.

The secret is to not only KNOW these things but also to ACCEPT them. Here are these important insights:

Why He Takes You Out to a Fancy Dinner, and Then Stares at the Waitress

Men can’t help but stare at other women. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can laugh about it.

Beautiful women for men are like gorgeous shoes for women. If you walk by a window full of stunning shoes, can you control yourself and look away?

I don’t think so. But it doesn’t mean you want to have sex with these shoes, or marry them.

Men are visual creatures, they like to look. It doesn’t mean that he has lost interest in you, or that he is insensitive. It’s just his inner ape taking over. That’s the way it is. Don’t fight it, accept it.

You can really surprise him by saying something like “Isn’t she gorgeous?” I guarantee that his eyes will shine with delight.

He will discover a confident woman who knows what she’s worth. Trust me on this and give it a try.

Why He is Insensitive to Your Needs (And Ignores Hints)

Hints don’t register with men. If you want to know how to understand men, you have to realize that men do not get subtle suggestions, or even aggressive hints.

If you don’t specifically ask for something, you won’t get it. Women have intuitive skills that men simply don’t possess, and they are not interested in “reading minds”, as they call it.

If you want him to be more affectionate, for example – hug you and kiss you more – don’t say something like “My dad hugs my mum all the time, he adores her”.

 Just tell him how you feel. If you want a diamond earring for your birthday, don’t say “How about something shiny that’s a girl’s best friend”? For him you’ve just described a new pressure cooker.

Why He Grabs His Chest and Fakes a Heart Attack if You Mention Marriage or Kids

Men are not afraid of commitment. No matter what the last Kate Hudson film has taught you, they DO want a committed relationship.

Being single has its appeal, but just like you – They don’t like to be alone and lonely.

They look for a woman they can trust, which is just as important to them as her looks. They will marry a woman who will make them feel good about themselves and make them feel powerful (don’t yell at me, it’s not my fault)

That’s why if you want to get a man to do something, suggest he’s too old for it. They need to feel powerful and prove you are wrong.

If you want to have a child with your spouse, and he seems not so eager about it, it’s not because he is not interested, it’s because he knows it will be really hard on him NOT to be the most important thing in your life.

Again, irritating, but don’t shoot the messenger.

Why He Needs to Feel Powerful (but Believes He Won’t Survive the Common Cold)

Every man has a bit of Brad Pitt in him. They want us to think they’re successful, strong and the sexiest men alive.

They won’t admit it, but they need to feel powerful. They need to feel that they can be your savior. And they need to be in control (not of you, of themselves) all the time.

That’s why they can cry like babies and threaten to die the moment they start to sneeze.

They know that getting the flu means losing control, being dependant on someone else. They accept it and use it all the way, but they don’t like it.

You probably heard this one before:

When women get depressed they eat or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country.

It’s because being powerful makes them feel good.

That’s why THEY want to be the ones who propose for marriage, and THEY want to be the bread winners in their family. Again, the inner ape is always there.

Why His Best Friends Are ESPN and Video Games

From birth, men are taught that “boys don’t cry” and that being Mariah Carey’s fan is not o.k. They learn to tuck away their emotion and avoid sharing intimate details.

ESPN fulfills all of these normal needs for men. They are allowed to cry like a baby if their team loses, and to dance like a little ballerina if their  team wins.

ESPN makes it legitimate for them to FEEL. So don’t take it personally if they never want to turn it off, even if you are in bed together.

It calms them, soothes them and allows them to get in touch with their emotions. Anyway, it’s way better than the alternatives (German porn).

As for video games, or any other game for that matter, you should realize that men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

No, but seriously, the only differences between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.

But really seriously, men will never be as mature as you are. They will never take full responsibility for what they do and they like to be players, literally.

They like the competition and they like the challenge that video games offer. Again, don’t take it personally.

I bet you can come up with some easy distractions to get him to quit the video games (Have a great idea? Why don’t you share it with me in the comment section?)

Why He Enjoys Sweaty Men Beating the Teeth Out of Each other, But Runs Away From a Fight With You

Men hate fighting. For them it means they have to win, and you have to lose. Fighting is not a way to resolve problems for men, it’s a war.

They will eagerly fight about who should take out the trash, but if the fight becomes emotionally charged, they will mostly become quiet.

Emotional conflict is more threatening to men because it’s very hard for them to contain it. You may find it hard to believe, but men are a bit more sensitive than women.

They can’t recover from emotional trauma as well as women. That’s why they guard themselves much more than women and do their best to avoid getting hurt.

That makes them look insensitive and inattentive, but they are only trying not to lose control.

How to Make Any Guy You Want – Adore You

I don’t know if you heard about Michael Fiore. Have you?

He’s probably my favorite relationship expert and he has quite a few best-selling ebooks that contain all you need to know about how to understand men, get the man you want, and make him forever look at you with puppy eyes.

I sincerely recommend that you read this one (I did), because the advice is priceless, though sometimes irritating (The truth about men often is).

And now…one Final Insight, Perhaps the Most Important One of All:

Why Does He Take so Much Reading Material to the Bathroom?

It may sound strange to you, but he feels that it’s the only place where he has complete privacy. There he is free to think philosophically about Lindsey Lohan’s bra size, read about the Giants’ next game and contemplate why no one makes a women’s perfume that smells like new car interior.

Don’t fight it. Instead, make him a cup of coffee to take with him and watch him falling in love with you all over again.

Rooting for ya,

Lisa