Are you confused because your ex keeps sending you mixed messages?
He calls and then disappears.
He says he is over you but keeps in touch with your family.
And that makes getting over him and mending your broken heart a million times harder.
Inside you feel that there’s something going on:
Maybe your ex wants you back? Could it be that you can get back together?
On the other hand, you don’t want to fool yourself that your ex wants you back.
False hopes can leave you broken-hearted for the second time – from the same guy. It won’t be pretty.
Overview
How to Know if Your Ex Wants You Back?
To help you figure out, see these 21 signs that your ex wants you back, divided into 2 possible situations:
1. If you still keep in touch (The “just friends” horrific zone)
2. If you are in a “no contact” situation.
1. If You’re in a “Friends” Situation
My subtle opinion
1. Your ex contacts you frequently, without any encouragement from you. He either calls you, texts you (more than once a week though), or sends you private messages on Facebook.
2. Your ex keeps sharing his life with you. He talks (or writes) a lot about himself and about new things that happen in his life.
3. Your ex is interested in what you are doing, who you are seeing, and if you are dating someone else. He seems jealous if you do.
4. Your ex makes sure that you know that you are the first person he tells all the significant stuff in his life.
5. Your ex keeps mentioning that he is not dating anyone else, or that he is not interested in meeting someone new.
6. Your ex asks for your advice (and approval) before he makes any major decision.
7. Your ex seems to show up everywhere you go. Even when not everywhere, but in many places.
8. Your ex flatters you, tells you how good-looking you are, and calls you “baby” “honey”, etc.
9. Your ex seems to put a lot of effort into his looks when he meets you. He looks hot every time you see him.
10. Your ex touches you. He tends to put his arms around you and look for other opportunities for physical contact with you.
11. Your ex is available to help you out when you need him. Exes usually don’t sit around waiting to be asked to do errands. If he is willing to, he is trying to slowly get back your affection.
2. If You’re in a No-Contact Situation
1. Your ex keeps in touch with your friends and/or your family – frequently.
2. When your ex meets someone who knows you, he asks a million questions about you, and if you are seeing anyone new.
👉 Here’s How to Use the 60 day No Contact to Get Him Back)
3. Your ex “accidentally” shows up in places he knows he’ll meet you. And I mean more than once.
4. Your ex’s friends “happen to mention” that he or she is not dating anyone new.
5. Your ex likes or comments on your Instagram updates.
6. Your ex shows signs of missing you through gloomy social media status updates, like “my life feels so empty”, or “I’m so tired of this world”.
7. You bump into your ex one day and he seems to know everything about your life (after the breakup): What you’re doing, who you’re seeing etc.
8. Your ex drunk-dials, texts, or emails you. The alcohol has given him the courage to show you that you are still on his mind.
9. Your ex doesn’t want to return some of your stuff.
10. Your ex is upset and mad if you are the one that doesn’t want to stay in contact.
What to Do If Your Ex Wants You Back (But Won't Admit It!)
If you want your ex back, and he shows some of these signs that he wants you back, you have to be extremely smart about what you're doing next.
Making the same mistakes you used to make will only get you right back to where you are now.
1. Before you do anything, You'll have to figure out what went wrong.
This can be difficult, especially if your ex only gave you a lame excuse as an explanation for the breakup (something like "This relationship is not working").
2. Use the power of texting - if you and your ex don't keep in touch, texting is probably the ultimate way to get your ex back in your arms.
The powerful aspect in texting is that you don't have to show or admit that you want him/her back, while cleverly making your ex realize that you are all that he'll ever want (and do everything he can to get you back in his arms).
👉 See some powerful texting examples here.
What Would You Do If Your Ex Wants You Back? (Poll)
Let me know what you think:
Rooting for ya,
Lisa
Angela says
My ex got divorced to be with me. I am finally getting a divorce now as well it took me a long time sonde we had trust issues. I’m literally almost divorced in days. And he broke up. Now I constantly broke up with him. Kind of a love test and he’d always try. But not this time. He is angry with a calypso angry. Says it’s over doesn’t contact wants his ring back etc. wants me off his phone plan. Communicates to me often but mad. Sometimes Comes across to an opening. But he’s not trying like he usually does. Says he doesn’t want to date. Needs years to heal from me before that so I go on tinder. I don’t talk to anyone and he sees me he gets even madder. I was trying to do the jealous moved on. Which backfired clearly on me. He said, after all, we have been through for me to go on there. Well, I’m off now. What do I do. Is it over
Mille says
Hi. My ex and I been through a lot. Our relationship started in 2007, but in between years been a great struggle for both of us (on and off relationship but lived with the same house). But, from the last year 2017, I’ve decided to fully let him go and moved on with my life. I got tired of waiting to see him change and love and respect me the way I deserved. Yet, even if he made me feel he didn’t really want me anymore (because he has a relationship for 7 yrs now) He still sometimes comes to me and asks me for an opinion about one big decision in his life. Do you think he wants me back? (Fyi, we have a 10 y/o son)
Lisa Redfield says
I think that anything is possible. He obviously sees you as a good friend, and that’s the best basis for any relationship.
Mary says
Me and my boyfriend broke after a 2-month relationship. I was the one to end it due to him not opening up to me about ANYTHING. I knew he was a quiet guy but it felt to me like something was on his mind and he wouldn’t say. After I broke up with him a few days later he texted and basically accused me of hanging out with my ex which is the father of my child. Also blamed me for texting my ex and hiding it from him which was not true at all.. the only communication we had between us was about our child together. After that argument, he told me he didn’t want to get back into anything when he was having so much doubt. It was hard, but I let it go and I thought it was the end of it. Just out of the blue he texts me to ask me how I was doing. I didn’t know how to respond as I was out with a few girlfriends that night and I was a bit tipsy lol so drunk I kind of questioned him a bit about why he was talking to me. He said sorry it was just a question and he will stop. I haven’t heard from him in a few days but he has a few things that belong to me that I can’t seem to get back from him. I’ve asked him a few times if I can come to pick up my stuff and I’m waiting for him to get back to me but still nothing. I don’t know what to think.. it feels like he’s playing games with me. Or using my things as leverage to keep me in his life. What do you think??
Lisa Redfield says
I think that he wants to be with you but he has issues with jealousy and controlling, which implies to a low self esteem issue. In any way, I would consider that this is his state of being at this point and would not expect him to change if you get back together in some way.
Sorayadty says
It’s been 21 days since we last talked. The problem related to my ex-fiance, a more committed relationship. The reason behind breaking up is because he fears the responsibility that will come with marriage especially that his parents died 14 years ago (our wedding was supposed to be in August). After a week, he made his sister call and request another chance since I was not answering his calls nor replying to his messages. Yet the problem was magnified and his parents refused any chances for him. I stalk him daily and sense from his tweets that he is doing his best to get over it although he blocked me on WhatsApp. I sincerely miss him and dream of him almost every other day. I am leaving the country as a way to forget him and move on. I keep thinking of calling him as I really miss hearing his voice but I don’t want to be rejected. Even if I contacted him should it be a farewell call or should I convince him to not give up. Our anniversary is after a few days too!
Justine says
Okay, so I’m in a crazy situation! Me and my ex bf have been together almost 2 and a half years we broke and he said he wanted to stay “ friends and have an intimate relationship for now. We do have a child together but about a week ago we hung out at my brothers place over the weekend he had lunch with my brother and his friends and stayed and hung out but after he kissed me and said he missed me before he left to see his new girl my friend saw them together a couple days later holding hands but they don’t think it means anything he hasn’t talked to me at all and he unsubscribed my number but he will try to call me on different numbers one in a while but he doesn’t say anything when I pick up when I know it’s him. And i tried calling him on different numbers as well but he ignores them. So I stopped contacting him but I just want to know what’s going on with him Can you please help me and tell me what this means 🙁
Lisa Redfield says
I think this means he is trying to get over but still can’t. I would give it some time and in no way contact him, other than talking about your child of course.
Sam says
What when you deal with a narcissistic ex boyfriend who shows interest then retrieve only to comment of Facebook as if we were friends. You need to differienciate between a normal person and a manipulator.
Jen says
My name is Jennifer and I am in a bad situation. About almost 3 months ago ,my ex blocked me from a Long distance relationship. I am scared because I said a lot of things I didn’t mean to him . We kept arguing until he told me he didn’t want to be hurt by me anymore and didn’t want to be fooled by me either.These last 3 months I’ve been trying to contact him through other emails and email but he deleted his email yesterday. After blocking me so much on new emails and texting apps. I guess he didn’t trust me since I have his number away before we had a huge fight 2 weeks later. I told him that I self harmed and I thought he broke up with me for doing it .I got so pissed from his reaction ,I thought he would be there for me. But he said he was “out.” I was so confused for this long and he refused to talk to me .I know I have his number away but it was to a friend that wanted to talk about why he reacted the way he did. She then said mean stuff to him because he mistreated me ,she did not tell me about this. I guess it was my fault for the most part and I feel this every day . What should I do??? He doesn’t to talk to me.
Becky says
I texted my ex after i broke up with him last year and he answers back in like 2 minutes but the thing is he doesnt text first or after a while of texting he just stops.. what does that mean.
Janet says
My ex calls my family every other day . Have casual talks also gets updates on me and is trying to come to our holiday parties. Yet he tells my mom and cousin we’re friends and he’s giving me space. But I haven’t spoken to him in 7 weeks. Is he avoiding me and just wants my family or do he miss me ?Totally confused
Lisa Redfield says
Janet,
Yup, it is confusing. But I think it’s a good sign that he wants you back. Give it some more time and keep no contact.
Asa Leonardo says
Hi Lisa,
I want to ask about my 5 months relationship. I doubt my boyfriend whether he really loves me or not. Whenever I asked him a question just to make everything’s clear, instead of answering my question he always telling me “why? You dont trust me?” i am freaked out by this. We always argue and fight all the time because of this. I just feel like many things he hide from me. And he always telling me, “i know you always dont trust guys because of your bad experience with your ex. But please change your attitude because i dont like to be with some1 who doesnt trust me and ask many questions”… the arguing still would continue. I just ask him a question and he should just answer instead of countering me back and blame me because of “i dont trust him”. I really want to know what actually he feels about me.
Please kindly advice what should i do. Thank you so much.
Lisa Redfield says
Asa,
I think that what happens with you two is a kind of a vicious circle. Maybe you do have a few trust issues because of your ex. This makes you question him in a way that he feels untrusted. When he feels this, it makes him automatically not want to answer your questions because he feels interrogated. This makes you ask even more questions and trust him even less, and so on.
You could try to break the cycle. You can try to stop asking him any question that could make him feel “questioned”, even for just a little while (a couple of weeks) and see how this changes things.
I’ll bet it will, because it will break the cycle.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Tanya says
Hello,
I recently broke up with an Ex of six months.
We went through a period of no contact and he text me saying he appreciated me more now and enquired if I had found a ” replacement for him yet!” in which his response was ” great!”. We arranged to meet up, went to the cinema and subsequent sleeved together eek etc. Since he called and text me more regularly than usual as well as calling me pet names like sweetheart, bae, my medicine etc but insists we are just friends. I’m really confused. I want to cut off contact as the mind games are confusing me, but he insists of the friendship citing he wants me in his life.
Why? What does this mean. I can’t figure him or this out!
Lisa Redfield says
Tanya,
I think that he is interested in a friends with benefits relationship.
You’ll have to decide if this suits you or not. But that’s what he wants for now, in my opinion.
soniya says
Hello ,
I want to ask that my bf had brokeup with me we wer in a 2 years relationship. bt he still calls me and text me and I told him that if its over then plzz dont be in contact with me …so can you tell me that he really want to be together with me… Plzz help me
Lisa Redfield says
Soniya,
Yes, I think these are signs that he wants to get back with you. Here’s my post with more signs that your ex wants you back:
https://howtogetaguytowantyou.com/ex-wants-back/
jingles says
After 7 months just sent him a email about a certain vitamin he was on, and asked did it work for you his response to me was, it was good that’s all he responded to him
I sent him another email I said thankyou I will try that vitamin and he didn’t reply to me, I really think after 7 months no contact not through phone emails it really is over
how many times can we lower our pride really
Rachel says
I read this, but what if this guy is sending you mixed signals. He says he’s open to getting back together in the future, but wants to date other girls right now, but he hasn’t actually dated other girls since we broke up. What do you do with mixed signals?
Lisa Redfield says
Rachel,
Saying that he is open to getting back together in the future is not a sign that he secretly wants you back.
It’s not a mixed signal at all.
It’s a guy who has decided he (stupidly) wants to look for something better and wants to keep you hanging until he decides.
You have to do whatever you can to make him understand that you’re not waiting for him. If he even thinks that you are, he’ll let you wait around for months or even years.
He has to understand that you are moving on, and for your sake – You should really move on. You can’t wait around for anyone, nor be second best.
I know it’s heartbreaking to realize this, but I know that you are strong enough to know that this is your chance to go and find the guy that will treat you and love you the way you should be loved.
Andi says
I know it’s hard to do giving up, and I hope that is what you did. I am currently on round two of the breakup cycle with this guy who keeps going back to his ex gf… says i mean a lot to him and that he is sorry he couldn’t give me 100 percent of the attention I deserve… he finally text on a day i was not available to meet to give me a face to face apology he says i deserve and i do, and really need it… but after waiting several more days and no more messages from him, he is now completely blocked on social media and my phone. I love him and right at this moment would love to have our happily ever after but I refuse to settle for being the option. You are better than that too!!!
Alison says
What if he hates you?
Lisa Redfield says
Alison,
Hatred and anger are 2 completely different things.
He doesn’t hate you, he is angry. I promise.